Boy Obsession - BFFFFF

Aaaah Gareth, I name all of you Gareth for the Gareth that ate Marie biscuits with sand in the middle when we were 4 years old .

You stole my cheese puffs in Grade 1, I saved up pocket money and had remember to bring my money with on Friday to buy those cheese puffs... greedy little six year old punk.

You used to let me play with your Teenage Ninja Turtles and you used to play house house with me, you were always a useless dad.

You used to call me names at the gate while waiting to be picked up to go home. I used to sit up at night thinking of new names to call you.

You used to get off one stop earlier at the bus to walk with me home so we could exchange stories about our friends.

You used to walk to my house in the holidays and eat cheese sandwiches in my kitchen.

I listen to you call your ex-girlfriend names when she broke your fragile ego. I deleted her from my Facebook friends for you - stupid woman for letting you go I say.

I met your new girl - sometimes she was pretty, sometimes she wasn't, sometimes she was nice, sometimes she was aggressive, sometimes she was insecure, sometimes I sighed and smiled and pretended to be friendly - I knew it wouldn't last and then you would be back in my kitchen at midnight diluting the beer with coffee swearing her name under your breath.

I missed you when you found the girl of your dreams and spent all your free time on her. I wanted to jump into your arms and squeeze all the breath out of you to punish you for being busy. I can't, The girl of your dreams will give me a funny look.

I confess you were at times more interesting than what ever lame-ass guy I was dating at the time.

You are dear to me my Gareth. I feel a love for you. You're dearer than a brother because I can send you home at the end of the day. You're about as romantically viable as a your plastic molded six pack ripped Ninja Turtle Doll. But I miss you, Gareth.

Call me when your girlfriend isn't looking, we can do coffee and Ill punch you on the arm for growing up and still being the same old guy who made me eat sand and stole my precious cheese puffs.

Still can't find the Sandman

I tossed and turned last night again! My token freaky dream for the night is the generic one where you wear your birthday suit to work... so E-m-b-a-r-e-s-s-i-n-g.

I had a situation yesterday evening where you accidentally overspend on someone elses money so I climbed into bed with a guilty conscience. Im not sure if I feel remorse as much as Imjust poop scared of being found out...

And then I managed to sleep 2 hours late!!! I have clocked in a few half hours of overtime this week so I wasn't worried about being in trouble I just had a meeting at 10 so I had to hurry hurry to work to be ready! The magic bit is that I got to work within 10 minutes of leaping out of bed. That is impressive :D (shameful speeding I confess to, What I did with my breakfast I will not confess to)

wooooo weekend time!

Trouble Sleeping

uugh I don't actually like Maroon five anymore....

But moving on....

Im having trouble sleeping this week and it is the most frustrating thing. I have these really vivid nightmares and then I wake up and toss and turn for the rest of the night trying to figure out what is real and what is not.

On monday night I dreamt my parents got divorced and that my mom moved away. And boy oh boy was I confused when my mom came to say good bye on tuesday morning when she was leaving for work. I was all like "are you leaving and coming back or are you leaving for real?"

Then Tuesday night I dreamt that I stayed home on friday night and mucked around. Now I actually have dinner plans with a long lost friend. I am really really really looking forward to seeing this friend. so imagine my disappointm,ent in dreaming that I just forgot to go out for dinner. So I woke up and had to convince myself that it was only Wednesday morning.

Then Wednesday night (last night) I tried going to bed earlier which means I tossed and turned for a few hours longer trying to fall asleep and then I had some wacked out weird off the shizzay dreams about some strangers commiting suicide. And then I woke up 2 hours earlier and couldn't doze off again...

Im tired. I have the blinds closed by my desk because the light is too bright. I can't stop sneezing and now yawning...

Where oh Where is my happy place? :(

The Script by The Script

I just bought The Script CD. I'm really enjoying it but the one song "I'm Yours" makes me sad every time I listen to it. It is a typical crooning love song and it is a really beautiful song - But now I have no one to dedicate it too! grrr romantic songs.

I'm Yours - by the Script

You've touched these tired eyes of mine
And mapped my face line by line
And some how growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap your thoughts and works of art
And there hanging on the walls of my heart.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours.

And though my edge is maybe rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
And it may not seem like very much
But I'm yours.

You healed these scars over time
And braced my soul, you loved my mind
Your the only angel in my life
The day the news came, my best friend died
My knees went weak, and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours.

And though my edge is maybe rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
And it may not seem like very much
But I'm yours.

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours.




In other events, I got wrecked this weekend. Now let me quickly interject before you roll your eyes at me like I'm a bad incurable party animal - I'm not a big drinker really I'm not. My varsity friends nicknamed me Half Beer Frank for a while. So I went for a Braai at my old bosses house And he very kindly saw me through about 7 (large mugs) drinks of the ciders and wines variety before I saw the bottom of my glass. And also plied me with strange and bizarre liquor from foreign lands that tasted mostly of motor oil and lawn cuttings Yum yum...Funny enough he and his wife were dozing off when we left - I was not driving Thank you Ed.

However this isn't about bragging about my pickled liver. Rather I was quite amused at getting drunk proper proper for most likely for the first time in my life. {and now the other group of you are rolling your eyes at my poor innocent 24 year old self} I think my parents were quite amused to hear me shuffling around trying to walk straight down the passage and not trip over everything. It was a novel experience at least and now I can tick tat off my list of life experiences. I even completed the experience by having to get up early this morning with a monster headache and go out for breakfast. Breakfast of course being of the coffee and bacon and eggs fry up style.

Now I may move on with my life from the experience Wooooo ....and back to moping over touching lyrics from The Script "Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even"

Boy Obsession

Some boys are like catnip - It maybe your funky pinstripe jeans or your suave hair or your rugged broad shoulders or your never clean shaved chin or your caveman hairy manly knuckles but there is always a girl who finds your presence irresistible. Every word out your mouth is witty and amusing. We can't pull our selves away from you and we're tongue tied and silent for a lack of a witty come back. In honour of pin stripe jeans I dub thee Nolan.

I go through Nolan's at varying rates, Sometimes I have one for every day of the week 9depending on my schedule) some the attraction lasts until you pull out that cigarette, some last weeks, terms, seasons, months, years, Some until the next haircut, some decades if you never change your hair Centuries if you keep staring into space with those brooding brown eyes hunching those great big hulking caveman shoulders.

This however doesn't mean we want to date you, Nolan. I feel unworthy of your undivided attention for in truth it is only your dress sense or your wild student hair or your slightly funny looking face that keeps me obsessed. but now even after several years you are as easy to resist as a child and candy. I saw you only for a few hours at that party but I relived it for weeks afterwards. Wondering and knowing in my heart I was unworthy of your indie rock style and your lanky french arms. Knowing that your interest in me only extended to borrowing my notes. Knowing you only talked to me because the bartender was too slow at fetching your drink. Knowing I was nothing like the kind of girl you would actually date.

I sigh for you Nolan and your pin stripe trousers and shaggy blonde hair, let me bask in your presence, let me stare at you a while longer.

Facebook broke my heart

I thought I was fine - but Im not.

3 and a half weeks after the break up I have done all the crying I was really gonna do and I even managed to make time for our friends and put on a brave face. I was dealing with it - Really I was.

And we talked and we acknowledged that we are lonely and things were fine... realy they were.

And now you're on holiday in Phillipeans and thousands of photos are up of you... and you're still as damn fine as you've always been... and your dragon (temporary I assume) tattoo is flippen awesome... and you look like you're having a good time... and that party looks fun... even the braided hair is funky looking.

Do you have to look so happy?

And So So SO fine?

It's like lemon juice in a papercut...

and The girls we went with, do they have to be so pretty? All the phillepino girls - so pretty - it's like a whole nation of beautiful people.

It hurts... and Im not fine... And i have no right to complain

Damn you Facebook and Sexy Ex-Boyfriends My heart is wounded.

Wish I had never logged on...

Bad electronic Mojo

I think my house is built on the ancient burial ground of consumer electronics of the ancient days. So far this past week the microwave died - the light goes on but nothing is cooking. Then the geezer gave up it's life and we had to get it replaced (and now we can only get chocolate coloured hot water) then in the processof the geezer leaking, dying, being removed and being replaced, the lighting wiring got wet and now half the lights in the house don't work. Then I have a light plugged into the wall and the fluorescent energy light bulb when sizzle sizzle POP! which stinks like the armpit of a truck-driver-hobo. and noW!!!the electric gate motor has died!

That is some bad consumer electronic mojo... I had better go isolate my computer and cellphone. Ill go live like the Mountain people.

let's not talk about the fact that Im a BSc Elec Eng... gimme a transmission line anyday!

The little things

Its funny how some things make you jealous for weird reasons...

My friend had a baby last week. I was her friend like 10 years ago and we have hardly spoken since thenbut of course duly became Facebook friends (of course to stay in contact without actually having to speak to each other) And so I was peering at her photos of her new baby. It was all pink and wrinkly and covered in blankets and now the grren eyed monster is sitting on the corner of my desk What exactly Im jealous of Im not sure because (With all due respect to the lovely new mum) I don't want a baby and I don't really like children.

Perhaps Its like the look of achievement (look what I made ha ha) or the novelty of a perfectly formed little creature. Maybe I would be jealous if it was a kitten (but not a puppy - puppies are too smelly and full of slobber)

Go away Green eyed monster I haven't time to be melancholy - My fault for browsing FB when I should be doing work ha ha