Two people seem to be at the centre of all this mindlessness. First Mr-X (Thanks Fred for the nick) is in town. And I have decided that I am looking forward to seeing him and catching up. Last night I was at my work end of year function and at the same time Mr-X and some of our mutual friends were out for drinks. Half way through the evening I got a message along the lines of "Oh, by the way we're all at the pub having drinks, feel free to join us" - this from Mr-X himself. They actually finished around the same time as I left my party so I did not get around to seeing them but some how I feel betrayed. It's irrational but I feel offended at only being invited as an afterthought. I think my friends knew I was busy but it's still nice to be invited along and being able to express your disappointment in turning down the invitation.
I never said these feelings were rational...
And now I am completely paranoid that my friends including Mr-X are meeting up behind my back. Not that I am entitled or anything. See, on Sundays I am usually busy. There is a mid-day family luncheon and then church - which we go to early for band practice. My friends have a habit of organising drinks on Sunday afternoons and meeting 30 minutes before i have to be in Church. Why they have to choose the same time of the afternoon everytime is kind of hurtful too because they know I can't make it. To the extent that I feel that I often get left off the invitation list anyway.
Hence the paranoia.
The second person is a new Mr-Thursday. The previous Mr-Thursday is The Be-Kittened Physicist. So... I met a new guy over drinks on Thursday.... which became more drinks after the first pubclosed... which became a late night movie after the second drinks... which became meeting at The Doors on Friday night.... which became more drinks at The Doors.... which became Listening-To-Your-Awesome-Music-In-Your-Car since I escorted you to your car anyway (No dirty minds guys - I am a nice girl) .... which became "hello" and "how is your day?" and "what you up to" messages... which became "I want to see you again" messages.
Which has lead me to promise to meet him for dinner tomorrow right after the Brownies campfire... Eau de Stinky Smoke Smell... charming... maybe I will appeal to the inner caveman.
So what I am getting at is that this guy is kinda sorta maybe possibly growing on me :)
I suspect he's looking for something serious and I don't really know what I have to offer at present. I am afraid that I may still be completely incompetent at the romantic relationship thing. I am scared we're looking for different things out of the relationship and he'll be too sweet to complain. I am scared of committing to a new relationship and tying myself down - not that the loneliness was completely pleasant.
And yet where is the harm in something short and sweet and kind on the ego. Well, actually, he hasn't officially asked me to be his special something yet (Not even some surreptitious hand holding)... He's big on chivalry it seems. (see escort to the car reference) so I'll patiently wait for him to decide to have his moment.
And so in the mix of all this I don't know how empty to keep my calendar in case Mr-X calls or Mr-Thursday-Friday-soon-to-be-Monday calls. I fear having to turn an invitation down with one of them for the other (can you say A-W-K-W-A-R-D). I am not even sure who I most want to see this week. (a week which happens to be insanely busy - Thanks Boet for getting married right in time for my paranoia attack) And Mr-X is leaving before i get back from my Monday-Tuesday business trip next week.
And so round and round I go. Mr-X, impatient friends, Mr Thursday, The wedding, Mr-X, Mr Thursday, Mr X, Mr Thursday, can I trust my friends, Mr Thursday, Mr-X, Mr Thursday...
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