I am sorry to say that I made a gloomy post last time and I lifted my mood out of it and now these several days later, my mood has dipped again. (I'll think of something happy to post just now)
MrT and I have been brewing up a fight for a while. We had a serious discussion with my parents over wedding financing last Friday and it left both of us feeling very blue. Then after a well behaved day with The Best Friend Engineer - I has a complete screaming angry fit-throwing two-year old toddler to him the whole of last weekend and after some harsh words we made peace over hot chocolate and laptop-tv. (in my defence I was tripping on hormones and suffering a concrete-snollies cold)
Then Monday arrived with some not entirely unexpected but somewhat inconvenient news that I need to prepare to get back on the market for a home in the near future. And this has thrown teh wedding plans into an entirely new light.
So last night MrT and I had a very long and escalalingly tart discussion about how we need money for the wedding, we need money to buy a house, we need money to travel overseas, we need money to replace my car and so on and on and on the money-drains rack up.
Predictably, discussing finacial woes never result in smiles. Voices were raised and eyes did leak and wild insinuations were made.
It is ridiculous that the whole entire world acts in a certain way and just because I want to do things differently, I am made to feel like an alien from outer space. Is it IMPOSSIBLE to get married without having to prempt the thrill by co-habiting?
What is the point in spending all the money on a wedding and celebrating the transition from single-hood to partnership and wearing the beautiful wickedly overpriced dress and saying those vows when the actual transition took place months before in secret under the disapporoving eyes of my elders?
Honestly, it would be very convenient and very financially pleasing to move in with MrT.
But, it seems to me that purity is a lost art in these days. However, even if I acknowledge that I am not a 1800's romance novel heroine and the innocence of my mind long since lost to tv and radio and movies and guys who are frieds who are willing to explain the latest lingo, I know that I worked very hard to be who I am and who my friends know me to be.
Is it so wrong to preserve something to discover after the nuptials? To leave wife-ery for the stage of my life when I will actually be a wife.
And on top of that, I fought so long and hard for independance and the adventure of living alone, it seems unfair to give it up before the party.
3 comments:
Well, I say good for you for being true to yourself despite the difficult-ness of it sometimes! :) I reckon that is rather awesome! Good luck with all the planning and organising! :)
It is not impossible, you are
making the difficult but
correct desicion. Proud of you.
I agree with La, it is not impossible. plans can be made and no one said the right thing would be the easiest.sticking with it is so worth it when you look back and say you didn't even when you thought it would be easier. i can relate to the whole situ and i am glad you are on the same page i was. You go Girl!!
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