This question seems to be popping up a lot and I find myself giving lame answers or creatively avoiding teh question or else leaving a blank awkward silence. The question being...
"So, Tell me about yourself." and "Where do you see your future going?" or some variety along those lines. I got asked in a job interview, I got asked by my work supervisor, I got asked in my progress reports, I got asked by a new friend, I got asked on a Meeting-for-Coffee-to-establish-romantic-intent. (Lame answer being what made me think no wonder failed that one!)
These are HUGE questions that get asked in a tiny number of words. And I find it really difficult to give a succinct answer. And so now I am going to give it a bash.
There are two main reasons i find this so difficult at this stage of my life.
1. I started working this year - I have had to change my life goals from Graduating from Varsity to Having a Career and being responsible. (students are not responsible by definition... goes without saying.)
and around the same time...
2. I emerged from being in a almost 6 year long relationship into being single. (another case of a few words summarising something complex and huge)
now the first reason makes a big difference because my goal-horizon has broadened by a nice paycheck and having to plan/dream 6months, 3 years, 10 years and further into the future. And trying to figure out where i want my pretty red stamped paper from Wits is going to take me in 10 years quite honestly blows my mind! I am almost afraid to dream that far into the future, because in 10 years I could organise to achieve my wildest dreams. and thinking about the amount of hard (but ultimately rewarding) work lies between you and big fat meaty success is scary. Yes, I am afraid that I really could become That Person... (can't verbalise the dream yet...)
my short term plans extend to "I am going to go along with this for a little while and see where it takes me and if it's any fun..." - which doesn't sound very impressive to a supervisor person...
Now the second reason needs some explaining. I started dating this guy about 9 months after i started university. so his presence pretty much is a central figure to my entire student period of my life. So I grow up and develop and change in 6 years... and suddenly he isn't here anymore and i have no idea who this 24 year old girl is anymore. I haven't had to sell my personality in 6 whole years! and acting like I am 18 isn't going to cut it...
Now this isn't a case of an identity crisis or a case of being a bland boring person. I just haven't got the words to tell to say who I am.
Ihere are some factors that have fundamentally had an effect on who I am.
1. My family - I am number 4 out of 5 children in a very close family. This defines my behaviour in that I have a irrational need to define my individuality from the rest of my family. This does also explain my stupid need for attention in some cases.
... Although I do believe that on a fundamental level all people need attention and need to feel that they are worth paying attention to.
2. Engineering - There are many reasons why I chose my degree but the 6 years of the degree meant 6 years of studying with a lot of people of the masculine persuasion. I find that some days I think in a male manner. (I do not have a sexual identity agenda here) Although somedays I am emotionally multitasking as mush as the next woman.
3. Jesus - without getting too deeply into my personal testimony, I have attended church from an early age and this had a big difference to how I approach problems, stress and good fortune. I participate in a thrilling bible study these days and i relish pulling apart what I believe and why i believe it and whether I got things right or not.
This much I do know so far..
I am no prettier, not cleverer, no richer, no poorer, no sadder and have had no more suffering than most people but I do think I am an interesting person. I think I am more interesting than a lot of other people my age. I think I will be an even more interesting person in 5 to 10 years time. and it is one of my life goals, to get off the wide common path and onto the narrow different path.
I waver between feeling deeply lonely and relishing my aloneness at one or anther just about everyday.
Along with that I find that some of my friends and a lot of other people Just Don't Get Me. And then surprisingly I meet other people who are so alike to me that they are treasured in a special place in my heart forever.
I love to be lazy but being bored irks me intensely (there's my word :D) Watching the flowers grow in the sunshine is interesting. The words flowing out of your mouth is so boring i can't wait to get away from you like a bad smell.
... It seems i have a little more Frankie-searching to do...
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