Fasting

So by my previous post it must be apparent that this are running a little amok in my life... And not in a good way.

So now that I have had a quiet mostly alone-ly weekend to gather my thoughts, I can issue an official statement... of sorts (yeah this may be a long post)

I don't really wanna talk about what has gone wrong between me and Mr Thursday. We reached a disagreement, lines were drawn in the sand, mean things were said, a sad long hug was exchanged and we retreated to our caves to ponder.

Then word got out and some turned to tissues and weeping and others turned to anger and bold statements to the public (yeah the masculine/feminine associated reactions there are correct)

In pondering I think I will take anger (however as hurtful) anyday before apathy. At least if Mr Thursday is angry it means he cares.

(quick accidentally left off fact, Things aren't 100% over completely... From the outsiders perspective, It could go either way, I get a final (or not so Final) pass at forgiveness/heartbreakness tomorrow)

And so anger means he cares about the outcome. He isn't letting go easily. And there are far more hurtful ways to get back at me. For example, Finding a fling as the first reaction to a break - up would cut me to the heart because it would say to me that the most needy thing missing since I am gone is the physical side for an entire carefully constructed grown and loved relationship. (True Story, I don't point fingers but I may be accused of embroidering the facts)

So what I am saying is Facebook posts and vindictive unfriending and malicious changing of profile pictures and relationship status' and getting drunk with the buddies and status-updating is Hurtful Yes... But it shows that something genuine existed in the first place and the gap is being bridged by his friends. Make Sense? (yeah I refuse to be offended Take that Mr T's friends!!)

So I have spent the weekend mostly meditating and thinking and introspecting over why it is we came to our disagreement anyway. And I seem to notice a sort of stagnantion of unresolved problems in my life. Some issues I haven't really put to bed. And I think some of the stagnantion comes from the fact that it is so hard to concentrate on one problem at a time. There is such a blur of social media flying into my head all the time. Too many distracting ideas.

And so I get onto the allusion of the blog heading. I plan on taking a fast from social media for a week to try shut down some of the noise in my brain

NO
- Facebook (honestly I doubt anyone will notice)
- twitter (ditto)
- reading other blogs
- web comics
- buzz
- tv shows
- movies
- interweb news
- checking my email 30 times a day

I will allow myself to watch The Soccer (it's transient - Ill miss out if I don't) and check my email for important subject headings.

What I intend to do with the freed up time is to focus on Why I feel what I feel and why I don't feel what I don't feel and whet the difference is. Also Dream out what I really plan to do with my time for the next year/5years/20 years. (And let us not forget to focus on work would be good between 8 and 5...)

So an almost retreat. Specifically Facebook brings a lot of unnecessary hurt into my life, added fact being that running personal relationships via facebook is about as tacky as giving someone a birthday present of half a slab of fudge when you work at a sweet shop and you get a who slab everyday for free and ate some of the gift first. So basically not cool and very impersonal as well as reminding everyone your life is awesome and theirs is not.

So wish me well on my fast. Midnight strikes soon so I gotta enjoy the media while I can.

Wish me persistance and self control and some wise answers!