Frankie's Non-Travels - Playing the tour guide

So this weekend two members of the German contingent were my guests.

So after two days of hurried cleaning and tidying and sweeping and wiping and shoving stuff into cupboards I met the Germ's and the whole group including the other hosts and we went to SAB World of Beer.

I thought the tour was pretty interesting but perhaps a little hardcore on the educational side for a Saturday afternoon.

The two free drinks after was quite a nice touch. I sampled a Sarita - It was dry but I could drink it... (nya ha ha ha)

My two guests were tired so I took them out for italian pizza for dinner and then (Shock! Horror! Oh The Shame!) We were all asleep by 10pm!! ...on a Saturday night!

On Sunday, after much discussion, we drove out to The Cradle and to the Maropeng Centre. For future reference, go to Maropeng with a school group and go to Sterkfontein Caves as adults. I don't think we got our money's worth out of the boat ride and educational buttons and displays.

Then we drove a little south east from the far deep West and went to Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens for a picnic lunch. We happened to run into another group of the German contingent and their hosts.

So we lunched together :)

Then we all went for a walk to the waterfalls to see the black eagles who were absent from their nest. Then for a walk up the hillside next to the waterfall to the look out point which was a tad steep. Then we walked up to the top of the mountain which was agony for the unfit Me and it was ridiculously steep.

Once we had finally made our way back down the mountain (aided by sips of warmish water - yuck) we decided to make the most of the afternoon sunlight and drove back into town and up Northcliff Hill to inspect the view.

Sadly with all the dust in the air, the view was obscured somewhat by the haze. We sat on the top of the mountain and watched the swallows and robins and other Little Brown Flying Creatures zip around in the air.

We finally turned my little greenblue car towards my castle and my guests kindly cooked honey mustard chicken on pasta for me. (and washed dishes!!)

To finish off the evening we played bavarian card games with... Wait for it... Bavarian Cards! My guest found out the sad reality that I am a little bit of a card shark hee hee.

Overall a busy memorable weekend... But this morning I was the very definition of exhaustion... Kept shutting eyes in the morning meeting (awkward!)

Pay for music with your mobile!!!

Dear Nokia/Ovi/NokiaOvi/Nokia Music/Ovi Music/Nokia Mobile,

Too little, too late.

Regards,

Nokia mobile owner.

Frankie's Travels - More waiting

(wrote this in the airport around 4pm yesterday but didn't post because interwebs access accross the border is crazy bad expensive...)

My meeting went pretty well I think. I managed to get a lot of the answers I was needing and they organised a tasty fine lunch for us.

There was a man in the meeting with the most beautiful long eyelashes... And big ol' manly hairy moustache... Tried not to stare too much.

Our italian contractor was also at the meeting place due to meet with the clienr after us. And he had his nice young italian surveyor guy with him. Mmmmmm... Tried not to stare too much.

Now we're back at the airport with 90 minutes to kill until boarding and unfortunately at this airport there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the boarding lounge but chairs, a door in, a door out and a clock... Goona be one long ass 90 minutes :/

That's all... (Trying not to stare too much)

Frankie's Travels - Cross the Border

It's another red-eye morning. I am popping up to Botswana today. We got to slightly later flight out but I still landed up taking it upon myself to be up at the crack of dawn... So 2 and a bit hours before boarding time I am seated at the airport... Smelling the croissants and muffins and coffee. (Gonna wait for the line at the counter to ease and then Imma gonna hava soma java boys n girls :) )

I always get very very nervous driving to to airport. It usually is pretty dark at the times when I am in transit. I think It's the long-ish distance at speed with faster cars zipping past me and having to dodge trucks.

For serious I get shaking hands and break out in a cold sweat while driving that road. And It's always a huge relief when I finally turn onto the tiny stetch of highway that carries me through to the airport parking lots. Getting home is another story in itself...

So I am going on a business trip. Now in preparing yesterday, my laptop was giving me issues as well as asking me to change passwords and all and all and all... Anyway - I tried to check my mail this morning and I seem to be locked out!! So I got a few problems there. I just need to hope that I can still log onto my laptop or else Im gonna be in So Much trouble for not being able to take minutes of the meeting.

Now this meeting is gonna be kinda huge As in several parties all sitting down to discuss and hopefully agree. Double nervous on the premonition that Ill be the nominated Minute-taker!

For now I got my coffee and my freebie news paper and exactly 2 hours to go until take off.... So Imma gonna chillax for a while :)

Feeling better already

... And it really didn't take much. Some rocking music for the drive home, Baked some muffins, A big ol' tall glass of cola, Eating a weird Because-I-feel-like-it dinner, Sex and the City season 6 disk 3, and some double cream mint choc yoghurt....

Chasing the blues away! More shakin' music may be required later... Or a good dose of a mushy paperback... Girls are weird that way.

Difficult words to admit...

Everyone knows that some of the hardest words to say is "I admit I was wrong" ...Meeh... we've all been there. Either waiting for the right diplomatic moment to confess that you realise the fault in your ways or else holding out, biting your tongue waiting for the other person to relent.

But I am not blogging about being wrong today....

It funny how everyone knows some girl who has "issues" or "problems" or is "the crazy girl" or "has therapy" or often enough is "the crazy ex-girlfriend". It's said between people behind hands with whispers. The girl who is too bossy, to possessive, had a bad upbringing, had silly parents, becomes a stripper to spite her man, threatens suicide, weeps men into mushy useless lumps.... We all know some one who knows some one. We have all seen a friend recover from dating one and say "Buddy, you dodged a bullet."

I pride myself that I am a strong rational woman. That I am Not one of those crazy girls, the kind of girl that causes problems where ever she goes because she can't control the volume of her emotions to Reality levels. So proud  - I look down like a snob on other women... as if I know how to be a great companion and they don't. I figured it all out... all by myself...

That's  why it is so difficult to admit to myself: "I am not okay today"

Today I am a touch of crazy - wild in the eyes - muttering under my breath - holding my breath and swimming a length under water of the deep dark Blues. Let's hope it's a 24-hour worm of the brain. Let's hope my spinning thoughts slow down by night so I can get a little sleep....

Sometimes we to squeeze our else shut as the truth flies by and open them in pleasant ignorance of reality. Othertimes curiosity convinces us to open our else and look at Truth straight in the face.... and we regret it. And in regretting knowing the truth we go crazy - trying to banish the truth - trying to forget it as quick as we can.

The truth is sometimes a bitter medicine whose flavour lingers in our mouth long after receiving it.

Sometimes, we need medicine - altho we wish we didn't.

"Today, I am not okay." is what repeats over and over and over in my head but in defiance I know, "Tomorrow could just be better. "

I wish I wasn't crazy like everyone else...

Post Braai with the Germ's

Okay okay, the fears were for nothing. We had plenty of food, my beer-bread was a big hit and we did not run out of meat.

And the Germans were nice to me (as normal adult people usually are)

Now Ill HAVE to get some work done tomorrow!

Enough with the drama already Frank!

Suffering through distraction

I am having a long hard day at work today. I woke up with a powerful strong congestion head ache. ...like a hangover without the expense of having to consume any alcohol.

And now having sufficiently defeated the headache with some revitalising fluids and fresh(-ish) air, the mindset of distraction still lingers.

I fear the inability to focus stems from stress in my personal life (which is worse than work stress because while at work, there is very little I can do personal-life-ly). all because...

The Germans are Here!

This is and should be a good thing.... right.... I should the shouting "Whatdya know! The friends I made in July last year, are here, in Johannesburg to visit!"

And! And! And I have the wonderful honour of hosting them at the regional campsite for a nice good old South African braai.

Good news right? so what's with the feelings of fear of stress? and trepidation?

...I....h...a...v...e....n...o....i...d...e...a...

(We won't go into the fact that I have to look people in the eye that I "forgot" to respond to emails from ... for 10 months - that complaint is done and dusted)

Catering for 20 people... Catering isn't easy - mostly its guess work as to how much to take and how much to provide. and this escaalates with numbers. Do 20 people eat 4 times more than 5 people or less? and is that all there is to the butterflies?

Maybe it's the whisper of the unknown - will tehy still like me? Will I be a good host? Will I remember the words? Will I meet nice people? Will I be South African enough? Will there be enough food? Will I be discovered to be a fraud?

I really really should not be this nervous. What's the worst that could really really happen?

I sadly have a classical typical stereotypical bad case of BMA (Big Match Anxiety) and nothings gonna solve it until I go and face my fears at 18:00 at the braai.

Feel a little like I am 8 years old standing next to the deep end of the swimming pool gearing up to shut my eyes, block my nose and bombdive right on in. It shouldn't be anything other than a pleasurable experience but often the 8 year old pauses at teh edge, cemented to the ground unable to leap just yet...

And so at the end of my story I realise that there goes the work day. Tomorrow I will try harder to be a better engineer.

Electricians cost part II

Remember this discussion Electricians Cost ?

Well seems not only did they charge me for pointless stuff and over price it, but they didn't do a proper job. My plugs went poof again a  few weeks ago and after having to run an extension cord across my little castle to have an alarm clock for weeks, I finally got an electrician in again (different one this time) and his verdict, the breaker in my board had been overloaded (I assume before I arrived since I moved in with the problem existing)... and the pretty sparking noises? that's the sound that breaker plastic makes when it is melting.

Anyway the efficient chap also replaced my mains breaker because he said there were signs of corrosion (better to be safe I guess..) and then " balanced" my board.

Now while I am pleased that the guy didn't treat me like a moron (may be it was the non-blonde hair...) and actually seemed to know what he was talking about and showed me everything that he was doing...

The board balancing... for the price compared to how long it took him... was not cheap.

Let's say if he was board balancing for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week... he would earn double my annual salary... in a week.

Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy... you would think for the amount electricians charge that they could dress better and drive nicer cars.

(we won't get into the costs of good consulting engineering services... we're bringing power to the nations okay?)

Shopping with Mum

When I moved out of home into my own place one of my secret hopes was that my relationship with my parents would change. We were sort of not really getting on well mostly because I was pushing for independance and my parents were trying to keep control of the home.

Anyway, I am not sure really what I achieved but I do find that when my mum calls and asks me to do something with her, I tend to make time for it as a priority.

I had a giggle today because my mum called and said "Would you like to come with me to my dress fitting for my wedding outfit?" Like it was this huge special treat to be invited along. What she was actually saying underneath the words was "Please come with me to my dress fitting because I would feel weird going alone."

Hee hee I said "Yes Please" anyway. Now I am just waiting for her to come pick me up...

Shopping with Mum! Whooooeeeet!

Boredom in traffic

...it's that bad...
Anyway I hereby announce the changing of the hair.... Glows tinsel-red in the sun (look up definition:irony)
Oh! Oh! And I LOVE Love love my aviator sunglasses...

Proud people carrier

Sweet "child of my child" delights...

Aaargh! Bad Drivers

(This Contains Raging and Whining - Skip to next post)

Some days I wish I had a device to remotely deliver a fat klap to the back of peoples heads. I would stand at the robot at the end of the road around my business park and deliver 5 a minute for the whole of rush hour.

Firstly the road is one way around the business park "island" and unfortunately the entrance to the island is near to the start of the one way road. So lazy people drive up the wrong way on a one way road.... at speed. towards teh people drivign the right way... I work with some of these people - I think it is a sign of sloppy thinking.... and taxi-driver laziness.

Secondly, the road around the island ends in 3 lanes. one for turning left up the road, one for turning right down the road and one in the middle for going straight and taking a slip way across the spruit and to the southern side of Randburg.

(Sidenote: in this area of Joburg, you have to navigate around Braamfontein Spruit. so some places that are 1 km geographically apart are a 30 minute drive apart.)

As the bridge is a single lane each way, you may imagine, the centre lane always has a long line.... so people simply zip up the outer lanes and push in... causing near bumper bashings.

I get road rage over these people. I reserve the dark purple colour dislike for them. Lazy bloddy selfish sods.

I take joy in driving bumper to bumper along the central lane and not allowing them to push in flipping a bird through window at them as I glide past (I suspect they don't see me)

Once though, someone I wouldn't let sneak in in-front of me, was let into the traffic stream behind me instead and I saw in my rear view mirror that he was rubbing his forehead with his fingers making an "L". I wonder what that could mean?

Problem is, while they wait to push in, the people behind them can't turn left or right legitimately.

Similarly, at the next robot, the right turning traffic gets a very generous turning filter while those turning left or going straight across the intersection get 10 seconds to fly across.... and the right turning traffic goes and goes and goes and streams through on green ...and orange ...and red ...and past red... and those waiting forever at the front of the line to go straight have to idle another 5 minutes in zero gear to get their turn.

More impatient selfishness!

Or the 5 people who cross a filled up heavy traffic intersection on orange and have to sit in the middle of the intersection blocking traffic in all other directions until the line moves.

More and more impatient selfishness!

Bizarrely, someone let me into traffic this morning and I was so astonished I almost didn't move...

Anticipation

To follow up... Yes I survived the Germany Meeting, I managed to soften everyone up with German chocolate and sweets and Hot drinks. Win!

Funny thing happened this weekend... but first a little background.

Shortly after my trip to visit Mr-not-X-at-the-time, I went to visit his mum mostly to share the photos of the trip and exchange pleasantries. When I said good-bye I kinda knew  at the back of my mind that there was a good chance that it would be last last time I would be seeing her as the girlfriend of her son.

Anyway history happened and ever since then I have been wondering exactly how it would go down if I saw The Lady again. To get things straight, I really liked His mum. She is a very pleasant person and I think I would have been quite sad if His mother reacted in a Hollywood-esque manner of disappointment. (yeah, yeah, reality is so not as dramatic as that)

So in traffic I would notice the number plates of all the gold Volkswagen's driving past. I mean Joburg is not such a huge place....You always see random people in passing. In shopping centres, morning traffic, malls, movies... I wasn't obsessed... just curious, wondering, rationalising.

Bizarrely I did not see the lady in question for 19 months and weird as it sounds, I was a little concerned that they had moved countries or were avoiding me or something equally paranoid.

Anyway this past weekend I went shopping for ribbon and Mr Thursday came along to look for fabric (that's a story of it's own - No jumping to conclusions now). And as I pull into the parking lot, who should be parked behind me, but the very gold golf with the very number plate I had been pondering upon with The Lady in question climbing out. 

Anyway I kinda felt a little freaked out and Mr T and I zipped into the shop unseen. And after shopping for almost an hour looking over my shoulder every few minutes, I sucked it up (19 months later) and managed to "run into her" as we were leaving the till.

I managed the right level and tone of voice in the the "Hi, How are you? How are things going? Fancy seeing you here." I really thought I was doing well exchanging news and being friendly and (honestly) pleased to bump into each other. Like a real adult..

...and then I f-ed things up...


...bad...


...and forgot to introduce the charming man by my side.

And so 10 minutes into the conversation, the Lady took it upon herself to introduce herself....

and I felt about this small...


Honestly really I wasn't actively trying to exclude him from the conversation. (Subconsciously, who looks forward to introducing your new boyfriend to your ex-boyfriends mother?)

Anyway - I think I hurt Mr Thursday's feelings only because I am an ill-mannered unthinking girl... Now I have to figure out how to restore bruises to his ego.

But at least now that I have got the conversation with The Lady over with...  I can stop wondering if she's still alive and start being paranoid about new and more current things. (Like meeting Mr Thursday's family in a few weeks... :/ )

Truth Be Told: Germany

I was fresh back from Germany by a week or two this time last year... and despite what I have said these 12 months, the honest truth is, 80% of the feelings about the trip is regret.

I wish I had never gone on my trip to Germany.

Wheew there I said it.

To tell the story in reverse, when my father fetched me from the airport at the end of the three week trip, one of the first things I said in the car to him was, "I have never been so unhappy for 3 weeks of my life." (This was compounded by the disappointment that I was expecting my hip cool older brother to collect me from the airport instead of my trusty old Pa.)

The reason why I am rehashing all of this is that it was my responsibility at the end of the trip to organise a reunion of all the participants and have a feedback session about the exchange trip. We set a date and the reunion did not happen. and then again it didn't happen, and again. 20-something women are busy people and given my negative feelings towards the trip, I wasn't exactly dying to rehash the entire event again.

Trouble is, The Germans are visiting us in a few weeks and we need feedback...

Mostly these past 12 months have held shame, the longer I left not having the reunion, the worse the problem became and the worse I felt.

I could have solved this problem with a handful of phone calls to all the necessary parties months ago.

Anyway - someone with more authority has stepped in and we are meeting this evening and I am really really scared of what will happen. I have been a bad little piggy.

I have letters that were given to me in January for distribution to the girls who were in Germany that I haven't managed to distribute. More Guilt for that forgotten task too.

I actually can't think about the German trip privately without wincing. That is how ashamed I feel. I let the problem drag on and on and on for so long. Trying to ignore the elephant in the corner of my conscience.

The reason why I feel so badly about my trip is not that the exchange programme is flawed - The reason is (as these things usually go...) several reasons compounded.

In July when we left, I had only been broken up with Mr-X for 4 and a bit months. I was still in a very emotionally shattered state. (another confession there methinks). Now add that to the stress of spending 3 weeks in a foreign country with women a few years younger than you... Bad for the nerves - and temper tantrums Did Happen.

The other problem is that I failed to really bond with any of the South African girls as friends. Superficially I got on great with a few of them. (bonus points scored for singing in Zulu/Tswana) But that is a pretty poor basis for finding some one to lend an ear when you're not having a good day. (due to afor-mentioned emotional issues I may have not been that approachable)

Finally, it is my belief that even though I know the theory of being a good leader, I am not a particularly responsible leader. I fail to respond to emails, I don't keep track of the group and I tend to take disrespect personally. And I am not proud of the type of leader I was on the trip.

The trip, It wasn't all bad. I can't say that I took nothing positive out of it. I made friends, I saw some cool stuff, I took some really nice pictures and I got another stamp in my passport for a relatively small investment.

But the guilt, oh the guilty guilt, The being a bad little piggy who doesn't respond to emails, the feeling of getting dirty looks, the memory of a temper tantrum… It ruins the happy memories.

Head down, Eyes closed, Running forwards

I am having a bit of a difficult time at work at the moment.

It comes down to the Theory of the Call Centre where you have the person you contact at a call centre and you have the person with the power to do what you need. And the call centre personnel and the person with the power are separated by this almost impenetrable wall that you often have to verbally bash your way through to get anything done.

At work, I am the call centre personnel, the caller is a subcontractor that needs a ton of information and the people hiding behind the wall have the ton of information that needs to be found and retrieved from the deep recesses of time (20 year old drawings).

Problem is, I am the one taking the abuse.... well not abuse. More like persistent requests for information and subtle threats of broken promises. Now I couldn't even write my own name 20 years ago. How am I supposed to procure that information?

Better yet, asking nicely for information from people who we PAID to supply drawings gets a very polite, "We helped you once, and I have no interest in your problems now."

When someone turns you down and doesn't bother to spell check their response - you really get a feeling of how they care about your problems.

Even better is that certain better informed parties knew we would have this problem a year ago but made no effort to actually kick start the search. A year ago I wouldn't have had subcontractors calling me all day and I would only have to take the polite disinterest of utility companies.

So mostly I am demotivated. I spend day after day looking at a To Do List of tasks that I really am struggling to knock off mostly due to inexperience and lack of interest from those who are experienced. The demotivation eats away at the enthusiasm to make any attempts at all.

Is this what being a junior means? How much longer before I get some respect?

I hate that I don't like my job at the moment. This is not how I planned my life. I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those people that complains about their job all the time because when you listen to those kinds of people complain and whine and moan all I can think of is "Get a New job then silly."

And so we plod on. We shut out eyes and dip our heads and take a run up and barrel straight into the problems and hope for some kind of motivating progress by the end of the day that will show that my warmed up office chair meant something today.