Difficult words to admit...

Everyone knows that some of the hardest words to say is "I admit I was wrong" ...Meeh... we've all been there. Either waiting for the right diplomatic moment to confess that you realise the fault in your ways or else holding out, biting your tongue waiting for the other person to relent.

But I am not blogging about being wrong today....

It funny how everyone knows some girl who has "issues" or "problems" or is "the crazy girl" or "has therapy" or often enough is "the crazy ex-girlfriend". It's said between people behind hands with whispers. The girl who is too bossy, to possessive, had a bad upbringing, had silly parents, becomes a stripper to spite her man, threatens suicide, weeps men into mushy useless lumps.... We all know some one who knows some one. We have all seen a friend recover from dating one and say "Buddy, you dodged a bullet."

I pride myself that I am a strong rational woman. That I am Not one of those crazy girls, the kind of girl that causes problems where ever she goes because she can't control the volume of her emotions to Reality levels. So proud  - I look down like a snob on other women... as if I know how to be a great companion and they don't. I figured it all out... all by myself...

That's  why it is so difficult to admit to myself: "I am not okay today"

Today I am a touch of crazy - wild in the eyes - muttering under my breath - holding my breath and swimming a length under water of the deep dark Blues. Let's hope it's a 24-hour worm of the brain. Let's hope my spinning thoughts slow down by night so I can get a little sleep....

Sometimes we to squeeze our else shut as the truth flies by and open them in pleasant ignorance of reality. Othertimes curiosity convinces us to open our else and look at Truth straight in the face.... and we regret it. And in regretting knowing the truth we go crazy - trying to banish the truth - trying to forget it as quick as we can.

The truth is sometimes a bitter medicine whose flavour lingers in our mouth long after receiving it.

Sometimes, we need medicine - altho we wish we didn't.

"Today, I am not okay." is what repeats over and over and over in my head but in defiance I know, "Tomorrow could just be better. "

I wish I wasn't crazy like everyone else...