hmm Spoke too soon

I am still sitting in the Joburg Airport. It looks like I am going to be departing an hour late at least.

Not cool. Not cool at all. I don't know what I am going to do if the delay becomes longer than the time between my next connecting flight...

It's out of my control so I might as well go with it and hope for the best.

Frankie's Travels Morocco Day 0

I still was feeling ill when I got to the airport but my belly and I have now a tenuous agreement that it will stop wriggling if I feed it boring plain flavourless things for a while.

sigh - annoying physical response to stress.

Next thing to fret over is a) hoping my flights are all on time. And b) hoping I manage the international-domestic transition at Casablanca in 2 hours. If those two things go past without hitch then Ill be all good and looking for my airport transfer in Marrakech.

It's gonna be fun fun fun! And I think I am beginning to take my normal more relaxed approach to travelling now :)

Let the feel good I deserve this holiday feelings rush in and the bitter You look happier than me feelings wash away.

Too much more of this perkiness and Ill have "leeeaaaving soon a jet plane" stuck in my head...

Oh (insert expletive of choice here)!

I am ill. I am flying in 5 hours and I am ill. I couldn't eat last night and my belly is empty and all my body wants to do is puke. Ever vomitted on an empty stomach? It is vile.

I have been ill like this before. I know what causes it... (Nope Not Pregnant - Let's not be jumping to cliched conclusions now) Lets say it's a kind of mental allergic reaction that I wish I had better control over.

Anyway there isn't much to do about it but to wait it out and hope it really is all in my head and that the symptoms will pass before it affects my holiday. Please not the holiday.

For now I gotta sip some tea and hope to feel better soon. Like Really Soon. Immediately if possible.

Past midnight - it's officially Leave for Morocco Day!

I took a moment to reminiscent over past night-before-overseas trips here and a little more than two years ago I was ridiculously excited for my very first trip flying to UAE and Italy. Freshly graduated and on the tipping point of a whole wave of life change. Starry eyed and way too excited (and in hind sight a little naive)
A little less than 18 months ago I was less excited and more stressed over being a leader of some willful young women but not afraid of where the weeks to come in Germany would take me.

Now today I have been almost sick to my stomach nervous and crazy stressed out over my trip to Morocco. So many unknowns! So many things to organise! I am second guessing this exercise of independence. However it's all paid and organised and I am packed, I have nothing more to do but Be Kinda Excited. I hope only for dreams of being the Explorer and not to wake every half hour thinking of something more to not be forgotten.

Morocco! Morocco! Morocco!

And that is all I will say about Anything going on today. Any words more must go unsaid.

Last week of the year is a good time to reminisce

No harm in jumping on the band wagon... 

A year is a difficult amount of time to really remember in one stretch. Peoples lives seems too busy to really sum it up in one set of text. Anyway a few things to make me smile when I think back. (I will not talk about this years soccer here... everyone else can do that instead)

I saw my stern and practical mother turn to mushy mushy mush for her first grandson. I secretly hope she still has the same enthusiasm for when I have children. This pic was taken last night while my nephew was cooling his toes at the fan.

My brother finally married his beloved. The wedding was beautiful and romantic and everything a wedding should be. I should resent them for having an awesome wedding except after dating for 8 years.. they deserve the happy ending.

I also spent plenty time with some really great friends.

The Monkey is one of my oldest friends. I think it is really kinda cool to have a friend or two who knew you when you were uncool and teenaged and weird and finding yourself. The Monkey and I haven't really got much in common other than our shared memories of being friends for more than a decade. And that's why he's awesome.

The Lindt Fairy made me an awesome pair of hand painted lace up shoes for Christmas. And beyond her access and generosity with great chocolate,  She is thoughtful and super creative and always remembers birthdays and Christmas with her special unique touch.

Heatherina is my best engineering friend and one of those few special people who can understand the fashion disaster involved in wearing safety boots and a business suit.... as well as the delights of getting construction site mud out of pinstripe trousers and ladies work shoes. Bizarrely, of the whole varsity buddies gang of 5 of us, Heatherina and I were the only girls and the only ones now working at voltages above 220V.

This is the guy who got me through my final year of engineering and his lawyer girlfriend. I considered him my bestest friend at one stage because we spent so much time together. We still see each other on a regular basis but as time passes and people get busy they naturally drift apart. I really miss him some days and his special brand of constantly streaming factiods and debates my way. I think his girlfriend really "cuts the mustard" and she is of course pivotly important to the varsity social circle to settle arguements with the legal perspective.

So after all this soppy sweet talk about my friends, I must also mention that I acheived a life goal this year. I took the big step and moved out of my parents house into my own little castle. It is rewarding to feel so independant and to plan meals and stay up late because I feel like it and to decorate and plan. It is so much hard work to cook and clean and wipe and clean and vacuum and clean and sweep and disinfect and clean. I miss my mommy and daddy and my kitty cats and having fresh fruit and veggies and cheese on demand without stressing how fresh it is. I realise I can't easily reverse this step and fit in again at home and there are many reasons why I would or would not want to go back home - but I can see a future where I might enjoy sharing a home and halving the chores (of course in exchange for sharing a bed)

My home has a pink rose bush :)

And finally MrT, so much to say about MrT... but I think the one thing I should say (given he reads this blog and will get a kick out of this) that honestly, truthfully, somedays I like MrT, somedays I don't like MrT, some days MrT doesn't like me, But I do love MrT... and he loves me :)



Love of sheepliness

Yeah, I have earrings with sheep now. I went past a bead shop with The JoBro on the weekend and picked these pendants up. I also have some sheep earrings with black noses.

Terribly Frank-ish all my friends will say. But that's why they find these domestic-animal-obsession quirks endearing.

My earsies have sheepies!

And speaking of ridiculous baby talk... While I was at the bead shop I found some rattling animal bell beads which will make an awesome noisy babies rattle if I could just figure out how to attach them to something... Then I will have to hope my nephew likes the noisy brightly coloured toy.

It's only funny because it's true

Hot button to push me from a good mood to a bad mood is to make me read the comments after a South African news report on race sensitive matter or a foreign news report on South African matters where a lot of SA expats comment... Or on religious matters...

 

Aaaahh stupid narrow-minded stupid tactless stupid opiniated stupid dum people!

 

Christmas Countdown

Five days to Christmas! And for the first time in a week - I will be sleeping at my little castle tonight. Which I will confess I am looking forward to with much anticipation. It is going to be so very very nice to be at home in my own bed surrounded by all the things that belong to me.

I think I will never make much of a house sitter. It's not comfortable for me to be sleeping at other peoples homes for long periods - none of my stuff is there! It is a little selfish I know. It was even stranger house sitting for my parents this past week because the entire house is very familiar with the exception of sleeping in my old bedroom which contained none of my possessions. It is just a little inconvenient.

The one nice thing about my parents’ house however is that it has three friendly kittehs, a lot more space and it was a lot tidier!

Anyhow my parents have returned home now so I can return to the comforts of my castle.

This past week I have been in a foul mood. I don't know if it was the end of year stress or that I was not sleeping at my home or that my work colleagues banded together to irk me but I was feeling very unfriendly and foul mouthed last week. I didn't even enjoy thinking ugly thoughts about everyone. I hate it when I am moody and angry and aggressive and take it out on the road and my car. I hate that I couldn't pin point the cause.

But the weekend passes and I am feeling a lot better about me. I may not feel as good after an evening of unpacking and house tidying and cleaning but MrT has bravely offered to come cook dinner (Taco's!) and face the dragon in me when I get tired.

What a Champ!

(I might even do some baking to reward him)

I have a secret

... And like me with secrets, It's killing me!

... And I can't tell any of my usually confidants because they will promptly give me a fat slap around the ears.... And say "Frank! No! You can't! Naughty! Bad Frank! Bad!"

I was bored and any reader of my blog would know that interesting things tend to occasionally take place when I get bored.

Anyway it should all blow over in due course. I have things under control... Until the overwhelming urge to blab all about myself takes over and I tell.

And me with secrets is like Pringles... Once I pop and tell once... I will be telling EveryOne.

So to distract you from the tantalizing idea of a secret... I show you here what I made today.

I got this idea for super shiny sparkling Christmas cards... And the photo is what I made...

The lounge where I am working is a gold and silver star and green glitter massacre... Fortunately house cleaning day is Wednesday :)

Morocco Countdown 19 days

..... eeeeeeeeeeeekk! And So much to still do!

9 work days left
only 60% christmas shopping complete.
House sitting for a week
I must collect my passport from the embassy
I must do a little shopping for my trip (clothes and forex and stuff and things)

Either way I am getting excited... As well as a little nervous if Morocco was such a great choice. Why I say that is that when I was in Dubai, there was this odd smell that I noticed everywhere. Kinda like a sweet smokey spicey smell. Now the blend of sweet smokey and spice may sound like something out of a novel, the smell made my stomach turn. It does explain why I spent most of the time there feeling ill and not hungry at all...

Now I know that while Morocco has a big Islamic element it is not really the arab middle east... I have noticed that All the Sahara/Middle Eastern/Moroccan themed restaurants in Joburg seem to smell the same when I walk past...

I do know that this may be my minds Nervous worries getting creative again... Is it possible that this poetic "smell of the Sahara" and exotic arabic smells are just not right for the nose on me?

I guess Ill know in 19 days.

(yippeeee!)

Look what I received at work late yesterday

aren't they pretty :)

MrT is fond of me..

Travel woes

So I am sitting outside the Morocco Embassy in Pretoria waiting for the office to officially open. I am leaving for my holiday of independence to exotic places in less than a month. Because I am a little bored sitting out here, my head is spinning over travel worries (I am a woman - we worry over everything)
So here is what I am stressing for at the moment...
7. The creepy security guard will harass me.
6. I don't have all the required paperwork for my application
5. My visa application is rejected based on something a South African politician has done to offend the Moroccan government
4. I loose my passport in the next 3 weeks
3. No one else in the entire world books the same trip as me (sub-worry is that there are only a few people on the trip and the people on the trip are lame/too old/too young/unfriendly)
2. I miss one of my 6 flights getting there and back.
1. I won't enjoy the holiday for what ever reasons. Or else something BAD will happen there. Resulting in feeling that I have wasted my money and will regret the impulsive urge that got me to this point of sitting outside the Moroccan embassy...
Sigh... And I drank too much coffee so my digestive system is u-n-h-a-p-p-y...

Back again to Botswana

... I am back in Botswana.
Honestly I REALLY do not want to be here.
Firstly, I have been involved in other proposal work for these past two weeks and so I am not quite on top of my game as far as the Botswana project goes.
Secondly, the new (assistant) PM is kinda really efficient and so there is another reason why I am not fully in the mode for the meetings to come.
(In my defence, This project has been the main part of my work for 18 months I am not far off my game yet. Ill be back in the swing of things in no time at all)
Thirdly, the client has been sending letters to us that indicate that they think our performance on this project is unsatisfactory. And while the core reasoning behind their complaint is valid and I know we have put the best of our resources into the project, they are going about the complaint in the rudest most uncivil mean-spirited way. Being told that you are no longer welcome on a project that you have put your entire effort into for 18 months kills all motivation to work hard... Especially after letter number 3.
Finally I am tired and am full of the end-of-year exhaustion feelings. I don't feeeeeel like being away from home for 3 days mid week on a non-holiday.
Anyway I dutifully packed my bags and printed my paperwork and went to the airport and boarded the plane to Gaborone.
Now it is always a mission to get accommodation in Gaborone and so a few months ago we found this B&B called Kidron Suites. Which is a little unknown but nice and pretty good value for money.
Problem is that it is near impossible to find this place. Especially at night where street lighting is minimal and you're looking for the second dirt road on the left.
So we landed and I bravely took my car voucher to the car rental and got the keys. Lesson in Frank: 99% of my driving experience is in my little old trusty manual Toyota Tazz. The brand spanking new modern Polo Vivo is Not At All Like the Tazz.
First I couldn't figure out how to start it... Then to figure out how to get the lights turned on ... Finally to turn off the accidently-initiated windscreen wipers... And oofff we goooo!
So I thought I was doing pretty well following my map that I made earlier today. Left at the substation, second right, third left and.... I was lost. And it was getting dark. I decided to press on and tried the next dirt road - Wrong Place! I turned around and tried the next dirt road... Which was in fact not a dirt road but a bus stop sign and a steep grass embankment...
Fortunately the Vivo's brakes are in tip top condition...
And so the semi-retired lines specialist offered to drive and let me direct. So we swapped seats and he promptly drove to the nearest hotel and asked me to go get directions.
Lesson 2 from Frank: The reason why so few roads have road names in Gaborone is that none of the locals use road names. The man at reception looked at my map with awe saying "Wow we have a road named after the president! Oh is that the name of that road..."
Finally he let me phone Kidron who immediately offered to drive across and lets us follow them back.
So while I was dying of mortified shame, the specialist followed our hosts and in 10 minutes we were signing our book in forms.
They helped carry our bags, bought iced water and said the greatest thing all afternoon "Chicken stew and rice is for dinner and it will be ready in 10 minutes"
And it was.... And it was delicious.
See as irksome that it is that I was reluctant to be here and that I got lost and I was ashamed... These people are really really helluva nice.
So here goes the shout out for the nice nice people;
If you are ever in Gaborone, and looking for a great place to stay, look up Kidron Suites. You'll get fair value for money and you'll feel really well looked after. Kidron Suites! Kidron Suites! Kidron Suites!
... Just don't ask me how to get there.

But if you have to ask... Ill give you the number and they'll tell you instead :)

Printer machine blogging

I am submitting a company proposal today asking very nicely that a Utilities company shortlists my employer-company to do a specific Huge Job.

I actually got the easy peasy part of the work to do - formatting assembly and printing. Which is low brain usage but high time usage work. This is perfect for Fridays...

... Except...

I got properly verbally abused yesterday in my project progress meeting about items that weren't completed yet. My PD is a very dramatic verbally expressive person when he gets worked up and we got a full show of banging on tables and excellent vocal chord usage. It isn't (all) my fault. There is a lot of work to be done and I only have so many hands/eyes/ears/brains.

So while I must sit and compile fire hazard amounts of paper work - I have a deadline I need to be keeping to for my own work lest I should be witnessing more table banging dramatics.

Honestly after having hot words poured down my ears I was not amused. In fact I was pissed off enough for it to spoil the rest of my day.

So I sit at the paper copier machine and do the proposals work and hope that by doing it well and getting it in in time I might regain some respect...

Lesson Boys and Girls: Month End is a bad time. It's like That Time Of The Month for the corporate structure.... Without the fix-all meds and heat packs and chocolate. (overshare?)

Earworms and Curious Thoughts

I have been plagued by an earworm all day today. so let me sing a little of it for you and maybe purge it from my head. (or else spread the disease)

“Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better looking each day”


It's all my brothers fault... (you know who you are...) who showed me a video clip of his friend playing it.


I have been plagued with curious dreams of late. It must be the stress of events coming up in the next few months doing it to my head. I wake up in the morning going "Huh? what was that person doing in my dreams?" or else sitting in traffic wondering how it is that in my dreams the storyline made any sense. I would blog about all teh stressful events but some things have had enough airtime on my blog already.

But speaking of forthcoming events...

I finally booked my holiday trip! I am going to a place with deserts and camels and food-with-couscous and pointy toe Aladdin shoes and bazaars and beautiful ceramics and mint tea...



...aaah Morocco. (I meant to add pictures here - no such luck Thanks Blogger)



I am effectively travelling alone and joining a tour group when I am there. Then I will have a spare day at the end for last minute shopping. People are astonished to hear that Mr Thursday is not coming with me. (In his defence he has just adopted a 1-series) But I am actually looking forward to going on my own (Not that MrT wasn't welcome...)

The general response seems to be polite envy and curiousity as to why I chose such an exotic place. (for me the word exotic usually conjures up images of damper places... like the South Pacific or a Jungle...)


There is something really adventurous and really independant about travellling alone. You have to look after your self and be responsible for your self. ... and for the creatively minded you could choose your own personality for yourself... on the short term...

The only slightly sad thing is that I will be sitting in the Abu Dhabi airport for New Years - The key to a good New Years I guess is very very low expectations...

Oh happy days!

My copy of the Questionable Content book arrived! I was smiling all the way to the car from collecting it at the post office. Heck, I was smiling from the moment I drove into the post office parking lot!

Mr Jeph Jacques is on my list of celebrities I wouldn't mind meeting. He is a pretty alright chap (well as well as you can judge who a person is by their twitter and web comic news posts... Which is not at all)

I am proud to add the works of the QC comic book to my library.

It's weird how my tastes in media have changed. I used to read 6 books from the library in a week and a half. Then at varsity I was busy and I was reading mostly journal articles by the end. Then I went through a Terry Pratchett phase and when I ran out of Discworld stories, I moved onto Ursula Le Guin, Garth Nix and Chris Riddel. Then I moved to romance with a storyline...

Now I seem to have about 20 blogs and 10 webcomics that I follow... As well as a few online magazine style publications. Add a new subscription to National Geographic and I am pretty much fully read out!

(blah blah what a book worm nerd...)

More life lessons with Frank

Driving at dusk with your headlights on while wearing sunglasses is silly.

Either it is too bright or too dark.

Pick one.

I too realise my stupidity in this regard now...

Aviator shape glasses may make you (and I mean me here) look Sooo Full Of Coolness but if you (I) can't see the people bathing in your (my) ice cold looks... You (I am)doing it wrong...

Oh the shame...

Today's Life lesson from Frank

"the true test of your ability to cook for yourself when living on your own is the strength and pleasantness of the re-returning flavour at the back of your throat when eating last night's leftovers for lunch today"

 

You are welcome.

 

My bolognaise and chunky vegetables is wicked-awesome-cool. My baked macaroni and cheese with matured (read:odd-smelling but not off yet) black forest ham... not so much awesome.

Hearting FFF (Foreign Film Festivals)

I am discovering a new (or is it rediscovering old?) pleasure in watching foreign films. (foreign being defined as movies not made in the USA - this from a South African... weird...)


It started unintentionally with free tickets to watch The Girl Who Played with Fire with The Lindt Fairy. and because it was a pretty well told story, I went to very next night and watched The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

This was then followed with A Boyfriend for my Wife (Un novio para mi mujer) at the Latin America and Caribbean film fest.

I think what is so refreshing is seeing the mechanisms of story telling of other countries/cultures. The Swedes have no problems with nekkid people or with showing the glaring harshness of violence against women.

The Argentinians based a majority of their humour on the speed of the conversation. And the women ALL wear short skirts. and not even in a sell-beautiful-people way.

A little while ago I watched Departures which won the Oscar for best foreign film. This movie I found especially poetic in it's description of Japanese culture around funerals and death.

And so I am keeping my eye on the film festival adverts at my local cinema... and do my delight! there is a Japanese film festival later this month.

Yippee!!

This was a short lived joy as I then discovered in my research about A Boyfriend for my Wife that Hollywood is doing a remake with Steve Carrell... what a trade down! what a cop out! We might as well start asking for McDonalds gourmet food. We might as well let the journalists of The Daily Sun take over the writing of the Mail &Guardian. We might as well ask the pop rock teeny boppers to take over writing music for U2 and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Third Day and the Rolling Stones.



I will certainly not be attending that movie…

A girl still can dream

And so.... I got another letter today... saying ... surprise surprise... I have in fact won something.

 

Yaaaaay! (yip this is what you get for buying trashy magazines on the spur of the moment for the reward of free chocolate)

 

Good news.: I won the money and not the cheap ass merchandise.

 

Bad news: It's much less than was originally promised (not surprised there)

 

Does this mean I still have to keep my promises?... I guess the answer is yes... hmmm...

A girl can dream

So I kinda entered a competition because I was bored. (being bored is a motivator of many things in my life - sometimes being bored is the only excuse I have - fortunately hair grows back... and things dry out and solvents remove most of the evidence)

Anyway. back on topic... this competition sent me a letter yesterday saying I may have won a large sum of money. Not ridiculously large but equivalent to a fair portion of my annual income.

So I sent back the Thanks for the Offer of Your Money form and I know I know I know these things never happen but... just imagine if it did...

So I got pondering and dreaming and thinking and calculating about What If I Really Won All That Money...

So as part of making a pact with the powers that be. I shall declare here what I will do with my money. and therefore holding myself accountable (but only if I win)

First: I will tithe a portion of the money. This goes without saying. If you have to ask what portion of the money that is... you should ask me - Ill educate you in the joys of giving to the Church. (No point in giving if it isn't a joy)

Second: I will donate a portion to my parents for their awesome holiday. They have spent so many years taking my self and my siblings on holiday, I wish for them to have a good restful holiday of their own this year. (a holiday from parental duties)

Third: The money is unforcasted and so it features in no budget of mine so spending it doesn't hurt. I will speak to one of my teacher-siblings and donate a quarter of the prize money to pay the school fees or university fees for a girl. I will prefer that the girl be schooling in Maths and Science or else be an Engineering student. I can be nerd and feminism specific if I want... It's my imaginary prize money.

Now I am not saying all of these things so that you'll be thinking "Oh wow, Frankie is such a generous person I want to be just like her!"

It would be cool to be able to be extravagantly generous without having to impact my salary. Normal people have to budget giving to charity versus the size of their entertainment budget... me included.

And so after these three portions of the money Ill have a bit more than half left.

I will not lend any of it to friends of family members. I may never get it back or else resent the person until I get it back.

It will not be enough for a new car, but will be enough for a fat deposit on a new car.

It will afford me a kickass trip overseas. but not enough to have kickass travelling partners with me (you know who you are)

I could invest it... or I could put it into my retirement fund to grow for 40 years... or I could spend it on investment items (LBD, leather boots, designer luggage, laptop)

I could find a micro-loan beneficiary organisation and feel good about myself. (until I realise that I have no money any more)

But for now I can dream away :) It doesn't hurt anybody to spend away all the money you don't have.

pretty pretty pretty please I would like to win.

43 Things pt 2

I forgot to include the amusing bit.. My About Me:

About me: “I am a girl… No, I am 23, I am a lady… or try to be a lady. I am 1 of 5 siblings and sometimes act a little attention starved. I am an engineering student and I try to be a remarkable person.


I think deep down what I want from life is for someone I meet to be able to say in even some small way that their life was changed for the better for having met me. but then don’t we all want that?

I am fond of the normal things like chocolate and boys and some less than normal things like sheep in a compltely innocent fluffy-soft-toy and frolick-on-the-hillside kinda way.

I worked for 5 years in the service industry and that combined with the work intensive engineering degree makes me not a people person but I really love getting to know individuals. Some people just intrigue me.

I think that the existance of humans that can do really amazing impossible things is no where near as amazing as the very existance of human beings at all and THAT is the start of my beliefs…..”
 
 
It's a real pearl that. In some ways... I have hardly changed at all.

43 Things

Some where in the work avoidance of spending time in the computer labs at varsity I joined this website where you list 43 things you want out of your life. And you get to see who has similar goals as you and you get to encourage other users at any of their goals.

Anyway I happened to stumble across my own profile today. (I had completely forgotten about this)

Anyway here it is:

FrankieBeans's Life List


1. visit Japan
2. take up a sport and get fit
3. pierce my nose
4. move to the sticks and live there for a while
5. get a car
6. become a wife
7. learn to paint watercolours
8. travel Europe
9. work or volunteer for a charity
10. get a score higher than 10000 in solitaire
11. fall in love and stay in love
12. own all the books in The Edge Chronicles series
13. live in Norway or Sweden
14. pet a sheep
15. learn to play the piano
16. read the whole Bible
17. take a cruise to Antarctica
18. become a mommy
19. learn to speak French
20. open a coffee shop
21. meet someone really famous
22. own and redecorate a house
23. learn to sew and knit
24. donate more money to worthy causes
25. make my parents proud
26. make a difference to the world food crisis
27. achieve one general life milestone before my older sister
28. complete a project report before the night before
29. find something better for breakfast than porridge
30. get my eyebrows properly plucked and shaped
31. get a teeny tiny tattoo
32. create an artwork
33. buy and wear a really tall pair of heels
34. collect all Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels
35. tidy my bedroom
36. backpack somewhere and rediscover the joy of camping
37. climb somewhere interesting on the corporate ladder
38. get a job where I get dirty
39. celebrate my 60 year wedding anniversary .. eventually
40. visit the United Kingdom but never settle down there
41. afford and get eye surgery
42. finish my engineering degree
43. live on my own for a while

What actually made me feel pretty good was how many of these I have already achieved or partially achieved. It's not astonishingly many but quite a few. I have managed to complete a project report before it's due date. I managed to complete my engineering degree and I managed to go to Europe not once but twice (so far). I have a car and I think my parents are proud of me.

Feels good that Frankie of 2008 would be a little proud of Frankie.2010.

:) Perhaps time to set a few new replacement goals.

The weekend pass-eth

So I did not make it to the travel agent today... but don't cry boys and girls. I received free tickets to the Travel Expo instead.

So the good news is that I found two, no, three viable tour group trips that fit into my time frame and my budget (whoop whoop). I even tried to hook two of them together as one finishes in the same city as the next starts the next day.

Bad news is that because I want to be travelling between Christmas and New Years and/or the first week of January. The air fare is going to DESTROY my budget. (doesn't help when you choose obscure holiday locations)

I even managed to find a tour to countries/towns that most of my friends haven't been to (Sorry Russia -I am not ready for -40 degree weather yet)

So I have spoken to the nice people who want to take my money (the tour operators) but no money has been forked over as yet. Trouble is... the Travel Expo is only on until tomorrow so the multiple discounts only apply until then (wait did I say I was saving 10% on my trip if I book this weekend?)

Funny/Not-So-Funny bit is that I only went travel -lust-crazy because some other people I know are travelling a lot and now Mr Thursday is NOT AMUSED that I am going away on holiday without him.

Honestly, I think that the best way to go about this will be alone. I think it will be an awesome adventure into independence and a good time to learn how to make new friend and not scare them off with my pre-morning-coffee-antisocial tendencies.

... speaking of which (and on a mostly unrelated side note) people have the audacity to complain at me because I am less that friendly at 7:30am at work (that's pre-coffee time). Lesson: Boys and Girls, Frankie is no fun in the morning. it's nothing personal.. stop bothering me... the growling is a warning... Sarcasm may follow.

...but back to my impending travel plans... This trip isn't finalised. all I have is a tentative place booked on a tour and a flight salesman with my number and some flight-search-instructions... I am wondering if it would be more economical to not travel in peak holiday season and suck it up that Ill be at home for a week between Christmas and New Years Not spending my hard earned money...

...might feel like a passport-stamp-deprived-loser tho...

Weekend cometh...

I have had a hairy few days with watching persons involved in my project exchange acerbic letters and increasingly polite tart communicating and muttering insults under their breath. This is of course a complete exaggeration.... However some tense moments have come and passed before me. In hindsight it is a little amusing but in the moment it was very stressful. Each man defends his empire and throwing arrows over the castle wall at the barbarian invaders and usurping naughty people.


(Could I be more obscure?)

I am a little tired however again from this silly busy schedule. I nearly brushed my teeth on three separate occasions in the space of 30 minutes the other night. Well I succeeded the first two times and then in the third time I realised that my minty fresh breath was in fact minty fresh. So I had to moosh the toothpaste back into the tube. Which was not very appetising the next morning for after breakfast teeth cleaning (Wait... is toothpaste supposed to be appetising?)

I also find my self waking up with my alarm at 6:00am and 6:15am and 6:30am. I lie in bed and think about how wonderful it is that I have woken up early and all the things I will get done that day because I woke up early and how productive I will be and how early I will be able to leave work… and in the process I go back to sleep dreaming about productivity and wake up later when it is late and I have to fly out the door.

And now the weekend dawns and I have plans of doing nothing all weekend long. Except I know that I won’t. Ill be shopping and cleaning and tidying and coffee-ing and wandering and washing and hanging and brownie-ing.

In other news, I have decided to make use of the fact that I get a holiday from work between Christmas and New Years and that I have some leave days collected up and I wanna wanna wanna wanna go on a holiday. I have been saving up for another overseas experience since forever and I have a tidy budget amount inside my head. My plan is to simply vanish for two weeks. Trouble is who will take photographic proof if I go on holiday alone? It irks me that everyone else is going on overseas holidays and I am not and for teh only reason of that I am cautious about going alone and I have so many other things to distract me from teh passing of time.

So Ill be meeting with my friendly travel agent tomorrow…. Unless anyone wants to host a visitor to your country/province/city/town for a week or two? (I think I would settle for Paarl or Parys even) It would save me a tidy sum in organised tour guide fees….

Meet my kitteh.

This is my cat. Her name is Camouflage because she has fur colouring that is termed in veterinary circles as "calico". Basically she is multicoloured all over, Not that unlike camouflage material colouring. I call her Camo.

Anyway, she was a gift to me from a school friend. (Lets call her DocBrown)

Camo is fluffy and awesome for snuggles and a very friendly cat.

Now that I have moved into my own place, she lives with my parents. I think she has adapted my grandparents as her owners as she spends most of her time hanging around them as they are at home all day.

My grandparents even put a chair out for my cat to sit on while they enjoy their morning and afternoon tea times outside looking onto the garden. On the chilly days where they drink their tea inside, Camo sits on the window sill outside with a mournful face. (she has a lot of furry fur... She is more impervious to cold than my 90 year old grandpa)

Anyway, when I go home to visit my parents I always make time to give some love to my kitteh. She smells nice and she likes to be held and its all nice and pet-like until my allergies get going and I start sneezing.

I wish wish wish I could have a kitty of my own at my new house... However it wouldn't be fair to keep it inside tho and I would feel bad for it being alone all day.

but some day... :)

Jacarandas are blooming

... If you haven't started studying for the year-end exams yet... It is too late...

Getting Perspective

DISCLAIMER: More than anything, this blog is about me hearing the sound of my own voice and by verbalising my thoughts I usually sort my funny over-analysing head out.

Disclaimer II: This post should be posted in the middle of the night - mid-day is the wrong time for talking about emotional drama. if it helps, this was mostly written after 2 in the morning two weeks ago.


19 months ago, Mr Not-X became… Mr-X... Mr Long-Distance became Mr-We-Couldn't-Do-This-Any-Longer. And after 5 and a half years of being each others Number 1 Special Person it hurt. Oh boy IT HURT to have to break up. Hurt like a heart attack. Hurt like being kicked in the stomach. Hurt like going to bed hungry.

Now I have been thinking about blogging about this very moment for near on 19 months. The thing is that it has taken me a very very very long time to move on. It took far longer than I ever expected. Naively I had thought at the time, the hardest thing I had ever done was complete my engineering degree and breaking a romantic relationship couldn’t be harder than that right? (Yes I was wrong, Very Wrong) It took so long that I actually would not like to admit it the time frame out loud.

I can’t say today is the day when I made peace with the decision to break things off. That day passed by a while ago, quietly, without me noticing because mostly I was busy. But it has taken this long to really get far enough away from the event to get sufficient perspective on it. The look back on the path that I followed and the way things have changed since then to gain an appreciation of the journey.



Now people talk about the stages of mourning: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I went through these five stages again and again and again. First on an hourly basis, then a daily basis, then two stages at once, then stages within stages, then weeks of good acceptance feelings then sitting in the bath tub weeping for my sad little heart.

Denial came from that we broke up on a sort of mutual basis in that dating long distance wasn’t doing us any good. We even endeavoured to stay friends – leading to the denial that anything had really changed. Oh the horror when he started seeing other women!!! Denial that I should pack away his photograph. Denial that I shouldn't throw away his gifts and cards.

Anger at myself “Frank What were you thinking!! You let him go!” Anger at him for letting me break up with him. Anger at him for not being the same person he was when we started dating. Anger at myself for not being the type of person he wanted me to be. Anger at the fact that we lived in different countries. Anger at his new girlfriend for, well... being his new girlfriend. Anger at that I was angry and yet had agreed to be cool with everything.

Bargaining I found in escapism into movies and books. I went to A LOT of movies and read a lot of books last year. In some the heroine found love. In some the heroine kicks the man to the street. In some the story was happy and I had hope. In some the story was sad and I agreed. I got to a stage where I couldn't bear to watch romantic-comedies, finding them to be a fake and unrealistic portrayal of real life and for mostly giving me false hope. I immersed myself in indie arthouse flicks where the main characters dealt with the harsh realities of life and then grew from it. I gained little from this but an escape from having to look into the depths of my misery that I was sad and alone and didn’t know if I had done the right thing.

What I did gain was being okay with spending time alone with myself. I now love spending an evening alone wandering the books stores, having a coffee, being myself with myself and being selfish with my time.

Depression hit good and hard when I spent time with friends who were in couples. Depression lurked on Facebook with every sorry time I saw Mr X update. (or teh new girlfriend update - who makes heart shaped blueberry muffins?) Depression lurked and struck like clockwork after everytime I spoke to Mr X. Tears used to roll down my face while I drove home from work after a long day. (maybe that was just the bad traffic) Depression hit when Mr-X made no sign of suffering for the separation. Not like I would be the one he would tell.

Acceptance was driven by the fact that I knew/know in my heart that it would be the greatest insult to the entire love affair if I could not want him to be happy in the end. I loved him at one time and therefore I knew that rationally I should wish him well.

In the midst of this crazy twister blender whirlwind dust storm hailstorm of feelings my (wise) father sat me down and offered to find me counselling. I reacted as expected “I do not need help!!” I my oh my oh my do I wish I had agreeeed to go for counselling if only that I may have dealt with things faster. And then again maybe the slow road had its benefits.

I think what really got to me what irked me was the realisation that Mr-X stopped showing feelings of sadness long ago and showed all the symptoms of having moved along with his life.

And I could go on and list all the things that were wrong with him and with us but for the fact that it takes two imperfect people to make a relationship.

And so grdually after a time the cycles of mourning wanned and lessened and I stopped feeling so many things and one day while cruising along I suddenly I popped through the clouds.

I realised that the relationship and person I was mourning didn’t really exist anymore. That Mr X was effectively a stranger. That I had gone days without pondering about him. That I could look at his happiness and not feel a twist in my heart.

It irks me to see him live out his (and occasionally I feel our) dreams without me only for the irk-ed-ness that he got there first. I hope he leaves at least some of Europe for me to see before him.

It scares me a little that Mr Thursday and Mr X bear similarities. At times Mr Thursday pops up with idea and sentences that bizarrely reminds me of Mr X. (It is about as horrifying as hearing my mothers words or fathers quips pop out my mouth.)



What actually made the biggest difference in the process was a complete stranger. I happened upon a blog of a woman who had lost her baby at almost the full term of her pregnancy. I am ashamed to say but I followed her through her time of deep mourning. But she was so eloquent and so wise about her healing process that In seeing her move through her tragedy to various stages of healing of the heart, I realised that my silly broken heart is really nothing compared to the loss of her child.

Another healing process was a long conversation last September that I had with a friend in Cape Town whose mother had passed away. I actually don’t remember exactly the words of wisdom he imparted. But he made me feel that it was okay to still be upset and he encouraged me to seek counselling and most of all he listened and did not freak out when I shed some tears. (drinking wine and then talking about your sorrows will always result in excess emotions – lesson learned)

And so today I can say I am well within the region of "I Have Moved On"…. I think. Mr Thursday and I are in a good space. (He deserves a prize for putting up with me while I moved on. )

The best metaphor I ever thought of on this entire topic was that Mr X and I are like paper boats floating on a pond. Once we were untied from each other we slowly drifted on the currents and sailed slowly apart and I am finally okay with not seeing him on the horizon anymore...

France's Travels - Op pad - Jozi bound

We set the alarm for early - and agonized over having to climb out from the covers at dawn, packed up and packed in and packed away our several and many bags and suitcases and we are back on the road returning to Home... Well Joburg home for MrT... Technically he was leaving mom's home to return to his Jozi-home.

I got my knee high travelling socks and short pants on for travelling-fashion-oddity amusements.

MrT chose a scenic route home through the sugarcane fields through Zululand around the small mountains/large hills. (about a B-cup #guyjoke)

While admiring the awesome mountain road views and the african huts and rolling green hills of sugar cane, we're keeping our eyes peeled for cops. (Aaargh for 80km/h zones because people build homes too close to the regional roads)

We picked up a Monkey Apple a few days ago and as awesome as the sweet spicey aroma is... It's beginning to make my stomach turn after 2 hours of travelling only.

Funny though after 3 weddings in 10 days and residing with and Afrikaans family and meeting lots of Afrikaans friends of MrT, my mind is firstly going wedding crazy and I keep translating everything I say into Afrikaans inside my head.

Hopefully it will wear off in a day or two...

Frankie's Travels - RB wedding 3 day 1

Today I will be attending the civil ceremony of MrT's brother's impending nuptials. They are having their wedding tomorrow at the yatch club but today we get the legal proceeding out the way.

So pretty clothes tomorrow and jeans and a little less pretty clothes today.

I still decided to put in an effort so today I pulled on my pretty jeans and managed MrT to take me shopping for a nice blouse. Then threw on some funky accessories and a plastic flower behind my ear and to be honest - I'm feeling pretty smart in today's threads :)

... I just hope I can top it for the wedding-wedding tomorrow.

Unfortunately we thought the ceremony was at 2pm and so we were dressed and ready to go before 1 to go collect the groom.

The ceremony is at 3pm... It's 34 degrees inside...

We're clustered inside the bridal couples small lounge under the spinning fan watching some silly tv show.

Some thoughts based on the silly tv...

- I wonder if comedians get paid per f-bomb dropped...

- I fear I am the only one here embarrassed for MrT's mom having to sit through this with us.

- Are racist jokes ever funny in mixed company?

- Is it weird to laugh at sex jokes in front of your parents?

- how many of us here will be thinking about the comedians below the belt jokes during the wedding ceremony.

- I wonder when we'll get around to lunchtime ... Sigh... :/

Non-Travels aside. Mailbox shut down rant

Dear Mr Contractor,
I appreciate your need to bombard us with information proving that you are well and truely on top of your work and can spew forth detailed designs in mass quantities.

Yet did it occur to you that we introduced you to the FTP site and specified to use the FTP for large files for any particular purpose.

How many times must I tell you! Is 8MB files not big enough?!

Thanks for filling my mailbox with 50 MB of data in 3 days. I love not being able to send or recieve mail any more because the IT dept has shut down my account.

I will attend to your mountain of information on Monday when I return from leave. Is it not so very pleasantly professional to recieve messages from my server to say Frank can't recieve your terribly important emails right now. Her mailbox is too full.

There goes my reputation....

Sigh....

Regards,

Your non-functioning-correspondance Junior Engineer

..... And Back to the holiday. Ill deal with this on Monday.

Frankies Travels - RB day 5

It has been a quiet few days - but for the lack of blog posts - it has been an interwebs deprived few days.

On day 2 after sleeping for at least 12 hours we had a very slow day spent mostly in front of the TV. MrT's mum put together a smashing dinner of pork chops and wors for us - the guests.

On Monday morning we were woken up by the arrival of MrT's brother for a small wedding related family indaba (MrT's brother is getting married on Friday.. and on Saturday) This degenerated into a family indaba and I was left to first sit and listen to a lively not too friendly argument in Afrikaans and then, as each member stormed, out the room I was left with the African grey parrot to talk to.

Anyhow, we left shortly after that and drove to the Richards Bay harbour for some sight seeing and then towards Mtunzini - which is a tinny little village 50km southwards down the coast from Richards Bay - through the sugar fields..

We arrived before book in time for our B&B so we stopped off at The Fat Cat restaurant for pizza - mushroom, bacon and slices of chipolata - mmmmm good post-travelling food.

Our B&B was very very nice - not only chocolates and biscuits with the coffee tray but two cold beers and a bottle of wine in the fridge, ribbons on the towels and fancy soaps in the bathroom (which I scaled when we left hee hee hee). As well as a ridiculously friendly golden retriever to greet us at the door.

The day that we arrived in Mtunzini was not a very friendly weather day. So we pretty much chilled - read some beaded some and listened to the rain some. By the time we were peckish for some dinner it was close to 8pm and we ventured out to the four different restaurant locations only discover that (A) restaurants are usually closed on Mondays there and (B) the restaurants that were open, usually closed their kitchens at 8pm on a Monday. We stoped off finally at The Fat Cat again and the kind owner quickly whipped up some food for us (it helps tipping well the first time to get good service the second time)

On Tuesday we were given a splendid breakfast of fresh strawberries, coffee, bacon. eggs. sausage, tomato and garlic mushrooms. We then ventured down to the Mtunzini beach which was on the other side of a bird sanctuary and nature reserve.

We saw dassie, red duiker, zebra, kingfisher, weavers and robins. The beach was expansive and cold but we had some good exercise walking and playing in the waves. We also wandered up to the estuary but did not spy any hippo or crocodiles.

Again the weather turned inclement by afternoon and we made holiday-like for the remainder of the day.

This morning dawned sunny and warm but still windy. We decided to pop a further 100km down the coast to Ballito which is one of my favourite places on the KZN coast. (many happy family holiday memories there)

We shopped for some beach curios, walked the promenade, and then stopped off at the Spar for ice creams and juice. (Just like a Real Beach Holiday…)

We then turned towards (MrT’s) home and returned to Richards Bay.

We finished off the holiday vibe with slap chips on the beach and exploring the ‘burbs by sunset…. Which leads now finally to another bedtime well earned (well in fact MrT just remembered he needs to write a speech for Saturdays’s element of the wedding so he is stressing and typing a little like a fiend first)

What’s Afrikaans for a Grooms Best Man? A Strroijonker sounds a little… well.. uumm.. old school…

Frankie's Travels - RB day 2

We arrived in MrT's home town an hour later than scheduled because we had to wait for some road works ... In 11 different places!

Surprisingly Richards Bay was cold and cloudy and windy. (Everyone said it would be hot here)

I was introduced to MrT's mum then we freshened up then suited up for the Wedding.

We were ready a little early so we stopped off at McDonalds in our pretty wedding attire for a spot of lunch. Hey, who doesn't like being stared at?

Now before I talk about the wedding ceremony and reception, let's remember that I was the my own brothers wedding only 24 hours before.

The wedding ceremony was simple and short. As in less then 40 minutes in total short. (My brother's ceremony was easily over an hour long)

Then we drove up the road and round the corner to the Protea Hotel for the reception.

As we were guests and thus free of any responsibilities other than having a good time... We had plenty of liberty to stand around while photos were taken and gossip about the other guests. The skirts too short and the large persons and the funny hair colours.

The reception itself was remarkably similar to my brothers with the exception to all the speeches being in Afrikaans and the wedding specific traditions.

We left early for being exhausted and went on a drive around the city.

Nothing quite as thrilling as the night lights off an aluminium smelter and the smoke stacks of a chemical factory :)

Frankies Travels - Richards Bay

On a non-travelling note first....

I have had the most insane busy week.
1. I am at present travelling and thus will be on leave for a whole week so I was tying up loose ends at work. In addition the pace of some of the projects at work at the moment is between insane and I-Need-It-Yesterday-Already.

2. My brother got married yesterday.

3. I had a visitor from "The Motherland" at work. I recruited a chap from our UK office and he came to visit this week to decide if Jozi life would suit him. As I was the primary recruiter (And good chums) I was appointed as the head tour guide. (This should be a separate post of it's own)

4. Other normal week busy-ness stuff.

Anyhow it all adds up to a lotta tiredness and I really need this week off! I'm going the beach - Coolness!!

What added to this pot of crazy is that my brothers wedding ended around 11pm last night and MrT's best friend is kicking off at 3pm today in Richards Bay - A 7 hour drive away...

So we're on the road at 3:30am driving having a slightly insane road trip on 3 hours sleep. (Hmmmm seems to be a lot of 3's there)

Then we're spending a week chillaxing enjoying the beachness and then attending MrT's brothers wedding next weekend also in Richards Bay.

So Good Times ahead! Right after this long 7 hour zoom cross-country!

(meeting MrT's family for the first time too :/ Little nervous on that note.)

More Aunty-love

Everybody goes "aaaw" "Sweet" "Proud Tannie"

And I go... hmmm... I still don't like the way I smile. :/

Anyway Caleb is 4 days old now and back home. My sister and her 'band are probably playing being Parents this evening making use of all their baby gift gear. I wish them well.

My head has been kinda weird over ThisCreature.

On Monday morning I was elated and proud and smiling and bouncing.

Then by lunchtime this irrational paranoia/envy set in once my brain ticked over and calculated that between the parents, there are six brothers,six sisters, three grandparents, three great-grandparents and cousins and cousins and cousins and cousins. I realised that I would be standing in a long queue to give my well wishes and how dare other family members of the same level of familial hierarchy be invited for baby viewing before me. How dare they be more enthusiastic about it than me...
Fortunately Rational Frances gave the crazy woman in my head a kick in the ear and I realised that my sister and brother-in-law are the ones with a new baby and they are perfectly entitled to have all the family members crowd round in love and joy and celebration.

By Monday evening I wasn't sure if I would be visiting at all. I was feeling stinky and sweaty and dirty and not very suited for meeting a fresh new baby. I whizzed across town to the hospital and made it in time for visiting hours and stood in the (smaller than expected) crowd in the waiting room. And what I was feeling in that moment was not envy and was not irritation but simply shared joy with family.

Once I finally made it in to visit my sister and my nephew a small level of terror had taken over. My hands were filthy and my clothes were whole-day-worn and then....!!! my sister offered to let me hold Caleb. She warned me to hold the little creature properly and to support the neck and head. Scary performance anxiety stuff!!

I managed to return for a second visit on Wednesday and I was earlier than before and had a full 30 minutes to spend with the new family. This is when the picture above was taken.

And so after my scary weird crazy jealous spell I think I am back into normal mental control. I think it stems back to being from a big family. When there is several of you (well seven to be exact) you gotta hustle a little to get a piece of the action. Or rather I get a little cautious about pushy people. (DISCLAIMER: I love my family very much. They are lovely good upstanding god-fearing people). As long as I remember the important golden rule...

IT IS NOT ALWAYS ALL ABOUT ME...

And that boys and girls concludes the lesson for today. I trust my generous sister and brother-in-law will find time to share the delightful presence of their child again in the next 18 years.... and oh boy! oh boy! oh boy! I do look forward to it!

Venting - Day 15 Month 9

One of my biggest frustrations at work is that I often know what I need to do but due to inexperience, I skip a few steps in the due process.

 

For example - we prepared a proposal a few months ago to instigate a necessary change to a contract. And after a lengthy tug of war between the client and contractor, they have settled on the proposed solutions and made a final decision.

 

This is good right?

 

The problem is that only now it occurs to me (at the Client's final decision communication) to check the contract paperwork for a template for making changes to the contract. It appears that finalising this change is letter number 5 in the process of Making Changes to the Contract 101. The Fifth Letter!

 

This means that I skipped 4 prior steps in the process - well we went through the correct motions but failed to number and categorise and word and reference the communication properly. Therefore I will have to fabricate no wait, manufacture, no wait, engineer :) ... the missing information and references in  this letter number five (which will in reality be letter number one)

 

I am swimming in unknown water again today - still looking for shore of the Beach called I-Know-What-I-am-Doing.

 

I do however suspect there aren't many people there...

Aunty's heart full of Love

Meet Caleb. He belongs to my sister and her husband. He is about 33 hours old as I write this. I met him when he was half this age at around 15 hours old. He opened one eye and peeked at me while I held him... and then decided feigning sleep was best.

 

He is pink and soft and has little baby parts and he is loved very much already by the multitude of siblings and parents and spouses of his parents. (His parents love him too)

 

And that is What Happened Yesterday... it is likely to eclipse anything that may happen in the rest of this week... perhaps even month.

Happy Days...

Things making me happy this week (in no particular order)

- This baby Zebra. (from a website called ZooBabies I think)

- Jamjar Sweet Shiraz - nectar of the deities and the bottle top is done in a check print making you think of picnics and happy days

- The 2.7 km/5 minute drive between my castle and Mr Thursday. (added bonus is the Porche garage to drive past in between.

- I figured out my supervisor answers his phone when his wife calls saying "Hello Guppy" - He is in fact saying "Hello Agape" which - if you look up the greek meaning - makes it just about the sweetest nickname for your spouse. (No, Mr T this name may not be reused)

- The sunshine - it may be too hot to function midday but I am loving the fact that not only I can wear pretty summer dresses but I can afford to buy pretty summer dresses in the first place. (High five for employment!)

- Spring time flower smells (this will be trumped only by the smell of spring time rain)

- As of the end of this week - my daily commute to work will be shortened to 5km straight down the road by my house mostly at 80km/h (when traffic allows)

- My older brother will be in town soon - with his almost wife.

- Oh yeah, my brother is getting married!!

- I will become an aunt before he arrives (well we're all hoping so including my pregnant sister) and both the mum-to-be and baby are in good health. (blame the scary internet stories okay)

- I am going to the beach for a week at the end of the month which is pretty soon in the greater scheme of things.

- My friend from far away (other hemisphere far away) is coming to visit - I am gonna play the tour guide... possibly in company time.

- Coffee Pinotage - flavour of the month.

- Vanilla milk in coffee (going to try vanilla milk when I bake muffins later...)

Happy days :)
Sent from my awesome mobile

Petty annoying things

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." - Unknown (possibly a sibling of mine)

I need to complain about work...

I was assigned a new project a month or two ago. Which, even though my work load was not light at the time, I took to be a compliment. In fact I am quite excited to be taking on this new project and starting it up from scratch so that I can make sure that all the mistakes made on my previous project don't get made again.

To the project was also assigned a graduate who has been having some training in primary equipment. Now by the term graduate I mean his graduation ceremony took place within the last 12 months. By this definition I would Not be a graduate as I already have over a year and a half experience. Either way both of us are termed as Engineers-in-Training by the company.

So according to the project paperwork, I am the project engineer reporting to the Principal Projects Director and he is the primary equipment engineer who is being supervised by the Chief design engineer. The project is my responsibility.

As things have run, Mr Graduate has had less other work on his plate and so he has been taking a bash at writing up the preliminary project reports. Except.... he has never written any such reports before. I, on the other hand, have many many revisions of writing such reports on my other big project that I spent a good portion of last year writing and working and rewriting and revising.

To be crude, I know my sh!t when it comes to this stuff.

You would think that Mr Graduate would do the math and figure that if he is struggling he could come discuss MY project reports with ME. You would think...

Nooo way. For what ever reasons (sexism, racism, sizism, fattism, fascism, consumerism, I have an ego-ism) he sends (badly worded/badly spelt) emails to the big guns asking for help. I get pulled into the meeting and have to be berated that why is the content of the report so poor... This is of course the first time I am seeing the content.

Now I am not always the most pro-active. And I shouldn't have to stand behind him and watch him type for every moment while he works at the prelim design reports. But at least a heads up on the progress would be nice.

The charming soul is often pestering me for information.... and then emails suppliers without checking with me what we actually need from suppliers.

Another novel idea is taking old (pre-MSWord2007) reports and reusing them for the new report. Including all the bizarre and obscure and mostly broken formatting (numbering "page 137 of iii" - magic stuff)

It frustrates me so much because he keeps going above my head and employs pretty sloppy thinking. It irks me because for the laziness of reusing someone else’s report, he will spend a week fixing the report formatting until he gives up. It bothers me because this is my project and it feels like he is trying to take it away from me.

Time for being polite about this is running out....

Funny but true

...and I have a new webcomic to add to my favourites :)

Frankie's Non-Travels - Playing the tour guide

So this weekend two members of the German contingent were my guests.

So after two days of hurried cleaning and tidying and sweeping and wiping and shoving stuff into cupboards I met the Germ's and the whole group including the other hosts and we went to SAB World of Beer.

I thought the tour was pretty interesting but perhaps a little hardcore on the educational side for a Saturday afternoon.

The two free drinks after was quite a nice touch. I sampled a Sarita - It was dry but I could drink it... (nya ha ha ha)

My two guests were tired so I took them out for italian pizza for dinner and then (Shock! Horror! Oh The Shame!) We were all asleep by 10pm!! ...on a Saturday night!

On Sunday, after much discussion, we drove out to The Cradle and to the Maropeng Centre. For future reference, go to Maropeng with a school group and go to Sterkfontein Caves as adults. I don't think we got our money's worth out of the boat ride and educational buttons and displays.

Then we drove a little south east from the far deep West and went to Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens for a picnic lunch. We happened to run into another group of the German contingent and their hosts.

So we lunched together :)

Then we all went for a walk to the waterfalls to see the black eagles who were absent from their nest. Then for a walk up the hillside next to the waterfall to the look out point which was a tad steep. Then we walked up to the top of the mountain which was agony for the unfit Me and it was ridiculously steep.

Once we had finally made our way back down the mountain (aided by sips of warmish water - yuck) we decided to make the most of the afternoon sunlight and drove back into town and up Northcliff Hill to inspect the view.

Sadly with all the dust in the air, the view was obscured somewhat by the haze. We sat on the top of the mountain and watched the swallows and robins and other Little Brown Flying Creatures zip around in the air.

We finally turned my little greenblue car towards my castle and my guests kindly cooked honey mustard chicken on pasta for me. (and washed dishes!!)

To finish off the evening we played bavarian card games with... Wait for it... Bavarian Cards! My guest found out the sad reality that I am a little bit of a card shark hee hee.

Overall a busy memorable weekend... But this morning I was the very definition of exhaustion... Kept shutting eyes in the morning meeting (awkward!)

Pay for music with your mobile!!!

Dear Nokia/Ovi/NokiaOvi/Nokia Music/Ovi Music/Nokia Mobile,

Too little, too late.

Regards,

Nokia mobile owner.

Frankie's Travels - More waiting

(wrote this in the airport around 4pm yesterday but didn't post because interwebs access accross the border is crazy bad expensive...)

My meeting went pretty well I think. I managed to get a lot of the answers I was needing and they organised a tasty fine lunch for us.

There was a man in the meeting with the most beautiful long eyelashes... And big ol' manly hairy moustache... Tried not to stare too much.

Our italian contractor was also at the meeting place due to meet with the clienr after us. And he had his nice young italian surveyor guy with him. Mmmmmm... Tried not to stare too much.

Now we're back at the airport with 90 minutes to kill until boarding and unfortunately at this airport there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the boarding lounge but chairs, a door in, a door out and a clock... Goona be one long ass 90 minutes :/

That's all... (Trying not to stare too much)

Frankie's Travels - Cross the Border

It's another red-eye morning. I am popping up to Botswana today. We got to slightly later flight out but I still landed up taking it upon myself to be up at the crack of dawn... So 2 and a bit hours before boarding time I am seated at the airport... Smelling the croissants and muffins and coffee. (Gonna wait for the line at the counter to ease and then Imma gonna hava soma java boys n girls :) )

I always get very very nervous driving to to airport. It usually is pretty dark at the times when I am in transit. I think It's the long-ish distance at speed with faster cars zipping past me and having to dodge trucks.

For serious I get shaking hands and break out in a cold sweat while driving that road. And It's always a huge relief when I finally turn onto the tiny stetch of highway that carries me through to the airport parking lots. Getting home is another story in itself...

So I am going on a business trip. Now in preparing yesterday, my laptop was giving me issues as well as asking me to change passwords and all and all and all... Anyway - I tried to check my mail this morning and I seem to be locked out!! So I got a few problems there. I just need to hope that I can still log onto my laptop or else Im gonna be in So Much trouble for not being able to take minutes of the meeting.

Now this meeting is gonna be kinda huge As in several parties all sitting down to discuss and hopefully agree. Double nervous on the premonition that Ill be the nominated Minute-taker!

For now I got my coffee and my freebie news paper and exactly 2 hours to go until take off.... So Imma gonna chillax for a while :)

Feeling better already

... And it really didn't take much. Some rocking music for the drive home, Baked some muffins, A big ol' tall glass of cola, Eating a weird Because-I-feel-like-it dinner, Sex and the City season 6 disk 3, and some double cream mint choc yoghurt....

Chasing the blues away! More shakin' music may be required later... Or a good dose of a mushy paperback... Girls are weird that way.

Difficult words to admit...

Everyone knows that some of the hardest words to say is "I admit I was wrong" ...Meeh... we've all been there. Either waiting for the right diplomatic moment to confess that you realise the fault in your ways or else holding out, biting your tongue waiting for the other person to relent.

But I am not blogging about being wrong today....

It funny how everyone knows some girl who has "issues" or "problems" or is "the crazy girl" or "has therapy" or often enough is "the crazy ex-girlfriend". It's said between people behind hands with whispers. The girl who is too bossy, to possessive, had a bad upbringing, had silly parents, becomes a stripper to spite her man, threatens suicide, weeps men into mushy useless lumps.... We all know some one who knows some one. We have all seen a friend recover from dating one and say "Buddy, you dodged a bullet."

I pride myself that I am a strong rational woman. That I am Not one of those crazy girls, the kind of girl that causes problems where ever she goes because she can't control the volume of her emotions to Reality levels. So proud  - I look down like a snob on other women... as if I know how to be a great companion and they don't. I figured it all out... all by myself...

That's  why it is so difficult to admit to myself: "I am not okay today"

Today I am a touch of crazy - wild in the eyes - muttering under my breath - holding my breath and swimming a length under water of the deep dark Blues. Let's hope it's a 24-hour worm of the brain. Let's hope my spinning thoughts slow down by night so I can get a little sleep....

Sometimes we to squeeze our else shut as the truth flies by and open them in pleasant ignorance of reality. Othertimes curiosity convinces us to open our else and look at Truth straight in the face.... and we regret it. And in regretting knowing the truth we go crazy - trying to banish the truth - trying to forget it as quick as we can.

The truth is sometimes a bitter medicine whose flavour lingers in our mouth long after receiving it.

Sometimes, we need medicine - altho we wish we didn't.

"Today, I am not okay." is what repeats over and over and over in my head but in defiance I know, "Tomorrow could just be better. "

I wish I wasn't crazy like everyone else...

Post Braai with the Germ's

Okay okay, the fears were for nothing. We had plenty of food, my beer-bread was a big hit and we did not run out of meat.

And the Germans were nice to me (as normal adult people usually are)

Now Ill HAVE to get some work done tomorrow!

Enough with the drama already Frank!

Suffering through distraction

I am having a long hard day at work today. I woke up with a powerful strong congestion head ache. ...like a hangover without the expense of having to consume any alcohol.

And now having sufficiently defeated the headache with some revitalising fluids and fresh(-ish) air, the mindset of distraction still lingers.

I fear the inability to focus stems from stress in my personal life (which is worse than work stress because while at work, there is very little I can do personal-life-ly). all because...

The Germans are Here!

This is and should be a good thing.... right.... I should the shouting "Whatdya know! The friends I made in July last year, are here, in Johannesburg to visit!"

And! And! And I have the wonderful honour of hosting them at the regional campsite for a nice good old South African braai.

Good news right? so what's with the feelings of fear of stress? and trepidation?

...I....h...a...v...e....n...o....i...d...e...a...

(We won't go into the fact that I have to look people in the eye that I "forgot" to respond to emails from ... for 10 months - that complaint is done and dusted)

Catering for 20 people... Catering isn't easy - mostly its guess work as to how much to take and how much to provide. and this escaalates with numbers. Do 20 people eat 4 times more than 5 people or less? and is that all there is to the butterflies?

Maybe it's the whisper of the unknown - will tehy still like me? Will I be a good host? Will I remember the words? Will I meet nice people? Will I be South African enough? Will there be enough food? Will I be discovered to be a fraud?

I really really should not be this nervous. What's the worst that could really really happen?

I sadly have a classical typical stereotypical bad case of BMA (Big Match Anxiety) and nothings gonna solve it until I go and face my fears at 18:00 at the braai.

Feel a little like I am 8 years old standing next to the deep end of the swimming pool gearing up to shut my eyes, block my nose and bombdive right on in. It shouldn't be anything other than a pleasurable experience but often the 8 year old pauses at teh edge, cemented to the ground unable to leap just yet...

And so at the end of my story I realise that there goes the work day. Tomorrow I will try harder to be a better engineer.